Reply to Why doesn't my wife like me?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]One thing I’ve personally noticed is that neurodivergent people tend to learn to mask very well when they’re young and especially when they’re in school. As they age, they are simply less interested in masking. Social acceptance is less important to them, and personal comfort is more important. Also, they often just become more comfortable with themselves/more accepting of themselves. I think that is all very good for their mental health! But probably very hard for the spouses who married someone who was behaving very, very differently before. [/quote]

This is such a great point. I think being very busy and tired with kids and work etc also makes people have less energy and interest in masking. Which is fine. But also something a spouse needs to come to terms with -- their spouse is changing (as all do).[/quote]

The difference is a married “adult” with a house, children, dual income parents, two+ sets of elderly parents has way more responsibilities and executive functioning demands than a teen in school or a bachelor working.

Thus UNTREATED adhd and/or asd can be devastating in actual adulthood, even if one made it through high school and college.  One cannot just shut down and watch Netflix or ignore the kids or let the house and yard go into to disrepair, or dump everything on the other spouse.

Get therapy to improve habits, get meds to improve focus (often these types are self-medicating via tons of coffee and Coca cola all day), get an executive functioning coach to guide new adult systems and processes given said work and family demands.[/quote]

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