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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
Sorry, I'm totally new to being on a waitlist, as these are my first borns (they're twins).
One was accepted to JMU through early action & the other one was waitlisted.

The acceptance letter stated that we'll need to make a decision by the May 1st deadline, however does anyone have an approx idea as to how long it usually takes (after May 1st) for the school to then begin to offer spots off of the waitlist?

I'm not going to lie -- our waitlisted child's self esteem took a little bit of a hit when he learned that he & his brother weren't both accepted (they'd always planned on attending the same school together).

Here my dilemma -- one of my son's best friends was also waitlisted for JMU, and his mom called me up and had asked me how I helped my son manage his disappointment over being waitlisted, as well as manage his expectations properly?

I told her that we sat him down and explained to him in no uncertain terms, that as of right now we need to continue to go forward as if JMU is totally OFF the table for him.

I told her that I tried to find as many silver linings as I could; because I knew that he'd never be able to find any for himself.
So I told him that being put on the waitlist can be a blessing in disguise, because it can open the door to an entirely new world of possibilities for him, and a future that he could never have even dreamed of before today.
He can forge a new dream for himself, he can be WHOEVER he wants to be, and be known by whatever name he chooses, rather than always being known as "one half of the twins" (nobody has to even know he's a twin if he doesn't want them to).

I told her that in just the few minutes we were sitting down talking, I could clearly see his demeanor change from a kid who was feeling sad, dejected, rejected & riddled with self-doubt, to seeing his face start to light up and become genuinely excited by the newfound possibilities that his future could hold (at one of the other schools that he was accepted to).

My thought process was that I was covering both bases for him, so this way if he DOES happen to get into JMU from the waitlist, it will be an unexpected surprise, as he's now resigned himself to the fact that JMU isn't in the cards for him, and thats ok (you hope for the best, but expect the worst, right?) and who knows... he may get so hyped up over a different school, that he doesn't even want to go to JMU anymore?

Well... she told me that I went about that all wrong.
She said that these kids need to stay positive & put all of their energy into the universe that they KNOW that they're going to get into JMU, and that I wasn't using the law of attraction -- in fact, I was intentionally standing in the way of his attraction to JMU.
She said what I was doing was completely defeatist because we'd already accepted defeat, and alphas never accept defeat, because wars aren't won that way (whatever that means?!).

I was like "Wait... uhh, wha??" 🫨

My thought process, was that the absolute WORST thing I could do for my son after such a letdown of being waitlisted, was to then give him affirmations that he'll get into JMU, or give him false hope, or an unrealistic expectation of something that may never come to fruition (I'd heard that the number of applicants this year was history making and they'd had a record number of applicants, so I thought the odds probaby aren't great for this one, but you never know).

I just didn't want him banking all of his hopes & dreams for college,  on a lukewarm "shrug" from JMU.
If for the next 2 months he continuously told himself "you got this!" and then the rug gets pulled out from under him ONCE AGAIN, it would be far more devastating for him than when he was waitlisted.

... and that would be all my fault, because I didn't set a realistic expectation for him, and I allowed him to have  delusions of grandeur, when I should have been bringing him back down to reality.

There are some teenagers that you could feed a continuous diet of lies, false hope, false confidence, law of attraction, vision board bullsh!t for the next two months, and if they didn't get into JMU, they wouldn't be fazed in the least.
However, that's not my kid -- I know him. 
It would be FAR more detrimental to his self esteem if I had intentionally get his hopes up by blowing smoke up his @ss, as that would be setting him up to get blindsided and take an even greater fall.

I felt very strongly that one of the most irresponsible things that I could do as his mother, was to overestimate his chances of getting in, just to make him feel better...  in fact, I thought it was far better to under sell his chances, because then if he does get in, it's like SURPRISE! 🎉

The other mom felt just as strongly as I did, but she thought that I should keep telling him that he definitely IS getting into JMU, and there are no if's, and's or butt's about it.  "Maybe's" are for losers, "Definitely's" are for winners!  and she had the perfect recipe for winners -- they just need to keep their eye on the prize, keep their sights set directly on JMU, and JMU alone... no. where. else.
"Back up schools are for losers & fall-back schools are for pu55ies!"

Right now, his head is back on track and he's genuinely excited and open to new possibilities, and for the past 2 days I've been totally confident in what I've told him... but now she has me really doubting myself, because it's my son and I want to get it right for him.  I don't care about disappointment for myself, but I can't do that to him.

She said that my strategy will have my son settling for second best for the rest of his life, because I obviously feel that "best" is just "too hard" and it comes with too many risks to go for it.
So while my kid will always be taking second place (which she lovingly referred to as the "first loser", her kid will always have "the universe" on his side and the universe will ensure that he's always taken care of.

I just had to hang up on her, because she sounded so delusional,  and it was all at the expense of her son & his skewed expectations.

** Sorry this post is SO long, I never write posts this long, I'm just so freaked out by what she said, and that I'm doing a disservice to my kid.   Thanks for letting me vent. 🩷
[/quote]

Mom- you are SPOT ON and your friend is nuts! What you have done is give your WL son a realistic picture of the situation and helped him recognize that he does have other options that may, in fact, be fantastic for him. Your friend is slinging woo-woo energy and setting her son up for a harder fall than had she been realistic instead of believing in her ability to influence the universe through her wishful thinking. Don't doubt your level-headed thinking at all!

And for what it's worth, my JMU Duke had HS close friends who are twins. One got in EA, the other deferred EA and then WL in RD. He paid his deposit to Radford, and then got off the WL in mid-July and is rooming with his brother at JMU.

GL to your sons and trust your instincts. You did good.[/quote]

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