Reply to How many parents still financially support their middle age adult children?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is common in MoCo. Lots of money.

By "supported," do you mean 80-100% support? Or do you mean paying for fancy vacations and private school?

We had some help paying for private school and then some expenses here and there that my parents offered to pay for. I never asked. They wanted to help. However, I also have a friend with a trust fund (never had to work but chose to) and a friend who has been under-employed and probably receives quite a bit from the parents. The ILs have put a lot of money into a 529. So we have had help, but we don't have a fancy house, live in a wonderful neighborhood or drive new cars.[/quote]

The spectrum of support really doesn't matter nor does if you request it or not: aspects of your lifestyle have been supported by your parents. Just own it and stop rationalizing it.[/quote]

What is there to own?!?!?!  Do you really sit around with your friends discussing who is "making it on their own" vs "who has help from family"? How does it matter to you?  Majority of people who have family who "can help them" recognize the privilege and aren't going around bragging about how well off they are.  If those are your friends, perhaps you need to look really hard at who you are friends with.

I get no help from family---we are the ones helping them. We took parents with us on vacations when they were able to travel (we paid).  I don't begrudge friends who have family who can help them. It's really not something we talk about, heck even my spouse and I don't discuss that. [/quote]

NP here.  I think some posters are saying that it is hard to respect a grown adult who needs so much help from their parents. [/quote]

Why is it hard to respect them?   Majority could live just fine without that "help" and would adjust their lifestyles accordingly.  But if the parents have the money to "help" and want to help in whatever way, why do you loose respect for someone?  It sounds more like a "you" problem and a jealously problem.

Most of those people wouldn't do private schools without the grandparent's helping, or they would have to live in a different area/home in order to afford private school.  Most would have a budget and live within their means, and make choices not to have "so many things".  
But why would they not accept help from the grandparents?  We are wealthy, and if my kids and their partners desire to send their kids to private schools, we will certainly help out.  Giving them that money when the family is young/kids are young will have a much greater impact than when the grandkids are 25.  Yes, it's a privilege.  My kids are quite capable of providing for themselves and their eventual families.  But who would not want to give their kids/grandkids the best, especially for education and the neighborhood you live in---shorter commute means more expensive home but perhaps an extra hour with your family each day.  My millions will do more while I"m alive than when my kids are 50-60 and GK are 20-30.

Ultimately, it seems like people complaining about lack of respect are just jealous.

Myself, I would personally wonder about a grown ass adult/grandparent who has millions who doesn't invest part of it in their own family (kids/grandkids)---can't imagine telling my kids to "pay for college themselves, mommy and daddy are going to Europe/australia/hawaii on many vacations with the money instead".  Same for grandkids---we want them to have the best opportunities to succeed in life and if we have the resources we will provide.  
I grew up poor, I know what it's like to struggle.  I wouldn't wish that on anyone---my kids are financially aware and one is downright frugal.  They recognize their privilege and volunteer and give back to their communities (during HS/College/after graduation).  They know how to budget and live within a budget based on their salary.

[/quote]

You know when you lose respect? When they act like authorities on how the country should be run, how everyone should be non paid advocate and protest all day long, how us and our kids should be saving the whales instead of "working for the man", how we should live in certain neighborhoods or towns because of the GREAT public schools and EVERYONE should go to public schools and eat organic and blah blah blah.  When they say who should be taxed and how much despite getting thousands of untaxed $ in their account every month.

THAT's when I lose respect. A lot of it!![/quote]

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