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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Hi OP, yes. I had an affair for 7 and a half years. Not discovered by his wife nor my husband. AP and I are still friends, and we're each still with our spouses. I am now faithful to my husband. Affair got us both through rough times. So glad I didn't divorce.  Good luck![/quote]

It could still come out. You were one person in a two person affair. Friend accidentally discovered her DH ONS, one thing lead to another and she also uncovered long affair he had with a “friend”.  He doesn’t know she knows and she is planning to inform AP husband with proof but is giving it time. I’m trying to talk her out of it since it won’t improve her own situation and there are others involved she would hurt. At least all the kids are grown but now I have anxiety over this!  Also I’m not sure you considering yourself faithful now really counts. [/quote]

People are individuals.  It always amuses me when people try to shame a betrayed spouse into keeping their secrets.  I mean, if you didn't want your spouse to know you are a cheater, I guess you shouldn't cheat.  But, to then shame and belittle a person that was a victim of this from sharing this almost decade long affair as if she's the bad person in this scenario is just absurd.  She will do what she needs to do for closure.  And a person that was banging her husband for 7 years really doesn't matter to her, just like she didn't matter to the ap.[/quote]

I’m not trying to shame her. I try to be a sounding board mainly. I see that it has destroyed her and she may elect to bring this upon another person.  Will the revenge really be sweet or will she feel worse when it’s done. I’m concerned about her. [/quote]

DP.  I will say it feels really, really good to get that off your chest.  No more feeling like a victim.  Done and dusted.[/quote]
Absolutely not. It's disgusting to tell the other spouse. There's a very good chance he wouldn't want to know. I wouldn't want some btch getting in my business if my DH stepped out. If it was over and he's not running away with her, you just seem completely psychotic. It's not "doing the right thing", it's bringing everyone else down with you. Just stay out of it. [/quote]

There is no symmetry here bc men and women do not react the same way to this kind of news. Women forgive and stay married usually for money stability intact family. Men OTOH go ballistic can become violent and usually divorce their cheating lying spouse. [/quote]

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