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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think your husband needs to reach out to his predecessor and others of his rank currently stationed there now. And you need to do the same to those people’s spouses. There is something very important that is getting missed, and you both need to figure out the norms and expectations.

I have a hard time believing that anyone in such a hierarchical culture would deliberately disinvite the boss’s wife and kids unless there was a very good reason. Somewhere, someone is violating an unspoken rule. Is it that you guys weren’t supposed to go in the first place? Were they not supposed to invite you at all? Are you supposed to offer to host? (That aside about space limitations makes me wonder…) There’s a weird kabuki dance going on, but people are missing steps.

Fix the hidden problem. Then start inviting people over for coffee, starting with whomever dropped off a casserole/spare folding chairs/their kid’s phone number for lawn-mowing or babysitting. If you are in the military, arrivals are very ritualized because EVERYONE has been the new kid and knows how it feels. [/quote]

This is all great advice. OP at this point in your DH’s career, you really need to find friends amongst similar ranked couples. It stinks, but that is the way; but that is the culture.  But also, learn to read the room with this crowd. The disinvite was so oddly worded that there is something else at play here. Learn the dynamics.

If you are lonely, have you tried making some friends outside the military world? Sometimes being around people who are separate from that way of life can be refreshing. [/quote]

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