Reply to S/O How do you justify having an affair?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Having an affair gave me the courage to flee a bad relationship. [/quote]

Yeah, as primates females are wired to "monkey branch." You may feel like you need to stay with a bad partner/provider until you've verified that you could land a better one.

But the key is to have some self-awareness. Just because my biology is telling me to hump that hot person and procreate doesn't mean I need to do that. Stepping back from a situation and evaluating it logically, having solid self-esteem that isn't based on my ability to attract the opposite sex . . . these are all much better ways to come to the same conclusion.

When I found out my husband was having an affair, my initial reaction was rage. I remember I said my internal monologue out loud, basically "What the hell, I'm an awesome partner, I could find someone else, I don't need you. She can have you!" And his eyes got really big. He was expecting me to compete with the OW, I think. And that's what chimps would do, right? But I just said, nah, this is ridiculous. I'm better than this.

So yeah, discovering you're attractive to some prize person is an ego boost, but if you have healthy self-esteem it won't be news to you. It will just be, "Yes of course, I am hot stuff and this would be fun, but I don't make decisions based on soothing my self-esteem or chasing the next hormone high.[/quote]

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