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Reply to "Anyone else here struggle with your feelings about ppl who don’t work?"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have these sort of involuntary mental reactions to - for example - social media posts from friends whose kids are in school full time but they don’t have a job/ anything they do - and they’re just doing nothing. I work crazy bananas hard and always have - and make a pretty decent salary. At one point I stopped working when the kids were little - but got pretty depressed and went back. Am I just jealous of them? I don’t want to be judgmental so why does my brain do this? I’m sure it is hiding a deeper feeling and my therapist has said I need to figure out what is triggering me [/quote] I have no idea what is triggering you. There could be many reasons. One of my friends (lets call her Larla) is an extremely beautiful woman who is married to a very high earner. Another friend commented that Larla is so beautiful that it made sense that she found a high earning man and now has a pampered SAH life. The corollary to this theory is that the not so attractive women needs to earn her own living because she is too plain to be taken care of? Maybe biology plays a role here? Maybe you feel that SAHMs are getting the prize that you are not getting? Another thing is that while you were not happy being at home when kids were little (which is a hard age to be with them without support), you compare yourself with those who seem to be enjoying their children and staying at home. Maybe you feel guilty about that because you have unrealistic expectation of what it meant to be a SAHM with small kids. You have no idea if some SAHMs who enjoy baby years do it because they have a different attitude, more help, a whole lot more support system, lots of friends, an involved and present DH, family nearby, or a more curated social media presence etc. So maybe there is some unresolved trauma and guilt there for you. Do you feel you are not a better parent because being with kids was not enough? Maybe growing up you felt that if you study hard, go to college, get a good job, then life will become easy. But, real life is not a bed of roses and you feel you are on a spinning wheel? Do you think that success did not make you as happy as you thought it would? You are jealous and triggered because of someone you know who is having a better life than you. You are comparing your life to someone you know. You are certainly not comparing your life with a celebrity. It is someone close to you and whose life you can look at and know that she is winning in a big way. There are three pieces of advice I will give you - 1) Comparison is the thief of joy. Stop comparing 2) Get off social media 3) Fix what can be fixed in your own life, relationship, home, kids, career, health. Small steps. This is a new year so don't miss the opportunity to fix yourself. [/quote]
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