Reply to This is the first year in 13 years that I have completely dropped the rope with DH’s family

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Just how far are people willing to take the  “your family = your responsibility” mindset?

What happens if the husband decides not to make the trip to the wife’s family during the holidays?    Say he decides to stay home and play video games or go golfing instead. [/quote]

I mean, you tried it, but that’s not even about being with his wife’s family during the holidays, that’s being with HIS OWN family during the holidays. You know, as in his kids and his wife?

And by the way, both my husband and I have taken the kids to visit our parents while the other partner is on a business trip or just stays home to get house projects done. Not holidays, just regular long weekends. I once went on a girls’ trip and he took the kids to his parents’ house during that time. Everybody had a great weekend! [/quote]

But it isn’t. In this case it’s about his nuclear family being with her family of origin at the holidays. Why should he have to do the physical labor of being present, suffer the discomfort of being outside his home and the emotional labor of interacting with her family during the holidays?  If it was about the nuclear family being together during the holidays they could just do that in their own home without her family of origin.

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I like how mad you are over this entirely fictitious scenario that you’ve made up in your head. :) Your thoughts might be relevant on a thread where the original poster is asking what to do since her husband doesn’t want to travel to see her family, or a dude asking if it would be OK not to travel with his wife to see his family during the holidays.

I also enjoy how, in your world, no parent is a surgeon, a police detective, or a plumber who literally cannot take multiple days for travel over the holidays. [/quote]

I like how defensive you are about now placing duties on husbands. Think of it this way:  In the same way that most men wouldn’t lift a finger to maintain a relationship with their own family they wouldn’t CHOOSE to do anything to maintain/facilitate the relationship with their wife’s family. Yet wives will still expect your husband to do things like show up and be engaged and help with kids in order to maintain/facilitate relationship with their family.  Nobody actually believes this “your family = your responsibility” argument because nobody takes it to its logical conclusion. It’s just a cover for people who don’t like their in laws, which is about as traditional as you can possibly get.

And, to be clear, do you. If you don’t like your in laws and don’t want to do anything for/with them, you are well within your rights. [/quote]

No work needs to be split somehow and we all have priorities. I love my in-laws but my husband still has to lead that relationship. End of story.[/quote]

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