Reply to This is the first year in 13 years that I have completely dropped the rope with DH’s family

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Just how far are people willing to take the  “your family = your responsibility” mindset?

What happens if the husband decides not to make the trip to the wife’s family during the holidays?    Say he decides to stay home and play video games or go golfing instead. [/quote]

I mean, you tried it, but that’s not even about being with his wife’s family during the holidays, that’s being with HIS OWN family during the holidays. You know, as in his kids and his wife?

And by the way, both my husband and I have taken the kids to visit our parents while the other partner is on a business trip or just stays home to get house projects done. Not holidays, just regular long weekends. I once went on a girls’ trip and he took the kids to his parents’ house during that time. Everybody had a great weekend! [/quote]

But it isn’t. In this case it’s about his nuclear family being with her family of origin at the holidays. Why should he have to do the physical labor of being present, suffer the discomfort of being outside his home and the emotional labor of interacting with her family during the holidays?  If it was about the nuclear family being together during the holidays they could just do that in their own home without her family of origin.

[/quote]

What are you blathering on about? I’m more than happy to spend time with DH’s family. But, I refuse to be the one expected to do all of the planning associated with visits, gifts, etc. Go back to the original post. Reread it. This post is about women saying NO to the outdated expectation that they be responsible for maintaining their husband’s relationship with HIS family (that’s the emotional labor).This is NOT about women trying to get more time with their family or foster strong bonds with their family at the expense of their husband’s side of the family. In my case, our kids are, in fact, closer to my side of the family because my husband put ZERO effort into spending time with his family. That’s on him, not me. [/quote]

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