Reply to Annoyed that ILs are unhelpful to us when we visit them, but expect us to do a ton as “good guests”

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Reply to "Annoyed that ILs are unhelpful to us when we visit them, but expect us to do a ton as “good guests”"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What’s this whole they are cooking “for her”? They are hosting, yes? Or is the expectation that when adult children visit able bodied parents they - the children - need to cook and clean etc? I am very confused. I am not saying the grown children shouldn’t cook or clean or offer to pick up takeout/go to dinner (bc really who wants to cook in someone else’s kitchen). [/quote]

I'm not sure I follow your confusing post. Are you saying 2 elderly people make enough food for 7 on a daily basis and just happen to be setting a few extra plates out during this visit since they aren't cooking "for" anyone as if it's not any extra work? How is everyone getting fed during this visit? It sounds like at the very least OP is being asked to put her dishes in the dishwasher which is not a very big ask. It sounds like the ILs have prepared their home, are feeding their guests, talking to them, and otherwise being good hosts. They just aren't doing all the "nannying" on top of all the other chores hosting involves.[/quote]

I am the PP you are replying to. I guess my point is - [b]the ILs invited this family of five over. [/b]That means they cook and clean or if not cook they provide takeout or if they can’t then they tell the kids to bring stuff.  If they don’t want to provide the food etc then why host in the first place? And spending time with young kids is important because if they only want to see their adult child then don’t make it a family visit. [/quote]

You have no idea if this is true. OP wrote, "We are visiting ILs out of state with our three young kids (youngest is 2)."  
[b]
Also, ILs ARE providing the food[/b]. OP's beef is that she (without DH) needs to load the dishwasher afterwards.
[/quote]

I don't see where this is stated. When we visit my ILs we get the take out but still eat it on their plates and load their dishwasher. Virtually no work at all for them. [/quote]

It's implied--if there are dishes to be washed, then everybody ate. OP doesn't complain about having to cook or pay for take-out.[/quote]

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