Reply to What do you do when your adult child goes into therapy and lays blame at your feet.

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Reply to "What do you do when your adult child goes into therapy and lays blame at your feet."

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The problem is that after an incredibly long and arduous marathon of raising children, which goes on and on and on and on, during which you put your own needs aside FOR YEARS and give your DC your very lifeblood and life's energy, sacrificing absolutely everything for them to the point where you are finally crawling over the finish line on your hands and knees with your youngest -- THEN you're supposed to apologize for your shortcomings and ask for forgiveness??

Are you f'ing kidding me??????[/quote]

Yes. Decent human beings care about others' feelings and apologize when they mess up, even if it was a small thing. This is what you sign up for when you choose to bring a child into the world. Why would it be otherwise? [/quote]

Adult children probably owe their parents some apologies too. Kids cause parents some unfair PTSD, especially during the teenage years. Adult child could say sorry I was such a teen brat and for all the stress and extra expenses it caused you then parents could feel like their effort as a parent were acknowledged.  But to say I was a perfect kid and you f'd me on purpose is bull.[/quote]

I would agree 100% with that last line. It is not a refutation of comment.

I sense that some parents think they deserve points for not intentionally hurting their kids, caring for them even when the kid was very stressful, and doing better than their own abusive parents. No, these things don’t make you a good parent and they definitely don’t absolve you of responsibility for your mistakes. [b]these things, particularly not intentionally hurting your child, are the bare minimum. [/[/b]quote]

Exactly. Think carefully about what those who were abused as children wrote here. They went to therapy before having children, which helped them break the cycle of abuse. They go beyond the bare minimum by valuing their children and ensuring their kids have everything they need and more. Because they suffered as children, they are aware of how precious childhood is and keep that knowledge as a guiding principle in their parenting. Of course they aren't perfect, but they actually consider the impact and influence they have on their children. This is above and beyond what most parents seem to do, but adult children of abuse know painfully well how important it is to have a safe, loving, and stable childhood.[/quote]

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