Reply to DH Can’t Stand Having Two Kids… 2 Years Later

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Unfortunately your mistake was having them so far apart in age. Hopefully you will feel that less acutely as time goes on. I agree this would have my very much questioning my marriage though [/quote]

This I think is a huge part of it. [b]He probably saw how "freeing" a 5 year-old is and then he had to start all over. [/b]It might have been a bit less painful if they were closer in age.

OP, could you have the grandparents watch one child at a time? Just a little break from two from time to time might help.[/quote]

This could be part of it. I really wanted my second, and I felt this way.

That said it's a bit cruel to call it a mistake. Maybe they had secondary infertility. Maybe they couldn't afford two in day care simultaneously. Maybe they were dealing with other life stuff, like a sick parent, and didn't have the bandwidth for another baby. It's hitting below the belt to tell people they timed their kids wrong. I would have loved a smaller age gap myself.[/quote]

It probably would have come to this level of stress either way, though. I'm the PP with one kid who feels similar to OP's DH sometimes even with just one. I would have been mega stressed with two close in age. I'm stressed just visiting relatives with two under 3 years old![/quote]

Yeah but the thing is having 2 close in age is "mega stressful" in the beginning but that super stressful period that is the first few years--baby, toddler, preschool years--is over faster when your kids are close in age. If you space your kids out, it's just like resetting the clock each time and adding more years to the really intense, difficult parenting that is the early years. And if you space them out, you are older yourself while doing it so that makes it more exhausting.

I am the first to admit that having our kids close together was really, really hard for the first 3-4 years. We essentially had 2 babies since our older one was still in diapers, still in a crib, etc when the younger one was born. But once the younger one was about 3-4, it got so much easier. And since they're close in age they play well together, can do a lot of the same activities, are interested in a lot of the same things which makes going places w/ them or having them play on their own for a bit is much easier.[/quote]

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