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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]DS (19) completed his first year of college and things seemed to go fine. He made friends, did well in his classes, and the transition seemed to go smoothly.

He came home in May and got a job as a server at a restaurant that had been open for a few months. He'd never worked in that setting before. His only other jobs were scooping ice cream and lifeguarding. He didn't want to lifeguard this summer because his last 2 summers he was assigned to pools that were pretty much not used so he just sat bored for 8-10 hours each day.

He really enjoys the restaurant where he works and from what we've heard from the owner the times we've been in there to eat, he's fairly good at his job. She said he's very personable and knows how to connect with all types of customers which is key in a good server. That was interesting to hear because he's always seemed a bit reserved around new people but hey, maybe is the personal growth and independence from college, right? We were just happy he had a job and wasn't coming home grumpy each evening from boredom.

Since maybe mid-June, his hours have been increasing. He's worked doubles for weeks and then decided in early July to not go on the family vacation. He said that he'd rather stay and make money and he also didn't want to leave the restaurant short staffed. I told him that staffing issues was a management problem not an employee problem and that I thought he should go on vacation to have some downtime before school started back. We argued a bit but nothing major and in the end, DH said he's an adult so if his adult decision was to stay, we needed to respect that. Ok, I did.

But now the other night he sat us down and told us he doesn't want to return to school in a few weeks. He said he emailed his program advisor to find out his options and he can take 1-year off and keep his spot at the university. I feel so blindsided and disappointed that he's done all this without consulting us (we pay for his schooling) but DH was PROUD of DS for exploring his options and collecting the necessary information on his own. DS said he wants to keep working at the restaurant and possibly do some traveling. He and I fought, of course, because I think he's just seeing this instant cash each night and being blinded by it. Why go to college for 3 more years when he's making around $300/night! And his claim to want to travel? Pfft just smoke to me because he didn't want to travel (for free!) with us a few weeks ago because work was too busy and important. I think he'll keep working at this job for the fast cash and never go back to school or travel or do anything else he's dreamed of. I hate that he took this job and I can't even stand to hear him talk about his days there now.

What's worse, is that now our younger son has seen the money his big brother has made and wants to get a job there when he turns 16. Again, DH just sees that as being a responsible teen. Now way I'm letting that happen!

Oldest DS and I have not talked much. I voiced my displeasure with his sudden choice and he's been avoiding me much of the time since then. I told DH we should try to sway him to go back by telling him we'll charge him rent to live here and rent on his car plus make him pay for his insurance and cell phone. Let him get a real taste of adulthood and see that $300 a night isn't that much money when you have adult bills to cover. DH said that I was out of line and being petty and that would just cause our DS to do something drastic like move out. Again good! If he wants to skip his schooling in favor of being an adult for a year, he should experience it fully. DH told me I was crazy to think that way because the last thing we need is him outside of our house where he could get a girl pregnant all because I was so upset about him taking a year off. DH really thinks this will be a 1-year break and not permanent like I do. I think I'm the only sane one in my house right now!!

What should we do??[/quote]

My thought is that all 3 individuals are correct in this situation.

My suggestion for the original poster is to gather information from the college or university about its study abroad options. This may reignite your son's interest in returning to school. To further spark his interest in returning to school either this year or next, consider sharing some recruiting materials for the armed services.[/quote]

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