Reply to Two siblings forced the sale of our inherited beach house and I can't get over it

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Only on DCUM does co-owning a family beach house spark World War III. It is far classier to be pikers all summer at some community pool and stalk discount travel websites for months on end to afford that annual family trip.[/quote]
No, it’s not only on DCUM. Disputes over shared property among family members has generated hundreds of thousands of dollars in legal fees for my legal practice over the years.

If you’re able to get along so well with your siblings as to be able to jointly own real estate with them, good for you. You’re probably in the minority. [b]My advice to anyone who inherits real estate jointly is to have the other owners buy you out, or to force a sale.[/b] [/quote]

Listen to the lawyer above, PPs. Don't own property jointly with relatives. I have never, ever seen it turn out happily, even in families where everyone got along well. Absolute minimum: Some seasonal drama over who gets to use a house when and who has to do a repair or who forgot to clean before they left.. Maximum: Permanent, irreparable rifts. No house or chunk of land is worth that. None. Not even if you think it's full of precious memories.

I thank God that when a greatly beloved, childless relative died and left his huge, delightful house jointly to my daughter and niece (then 6 and 7 years old), we four parents were all immediately on the same page, and my SIL and BIL bought us out as quickly as possible. We lived very far away and had no desire to share a property and the responsibilities, or to become landlords if the house were rented. We got a big chunk of cash we invested for DD, and which has almost entirely paid for DD's college tuition. They got a desirable house they have renovated and look on as their DD's house to keep, live in, rent out, or sell someday--as she pleases. While they have had use of it themselves as their DD has grown up. Everyone won and no one got into a twist about emotional attachment to this admittedly wonderful and memory-filled house.

To the OP, I haven't read every post so sorry if you came back with an update, but: Your issues are twofold, they forced the sale and, [i]separately,[/i] you can't get over it.

Only ONE of those things is now in your own control. Only one of those things can be changed at this point. You know which it is. You can choose to keep giving this issue a huge rent-free space inside your head, or you can choose to shift your focus and evict it.

If you are unable to stop thinking about this, seek therapy to work on why you're perseverating about it and how you can get unstuck. Nothing. Is. Worth. Rifts. Over. Property. I know, OP, that you wish dad had been able to live out more time there. That's genuinely sad. But again: You cannot alter that now. Individual therapy (doesn't have to be a lifetime of it, this could be a short-term counseling kind of situation), and if necessary, maybe your therapy can help you script how you need to talk to your siblings about this, to get it out there, if you cannot move forward otherwise. But you are stuck right now and need an objective, professional third party to help you get unstuck, or you'll waste a LOT of your energy and your life on this. [/quote]

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