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[quote=Anonymous]My husband has never been jealous either, even when I tell him about my ex boyfriend messaging me borderline things.

We started dating in college, when he flirted with me and then told me, oops, he hoped I didn't get the wrong impression, but he was dating someone (he broke up with her a few days later). Then we were an official couple, someone told me my boyfriend had dated loads of people, but when I told him the list of people he laughed and said, no, he'd maybe dated one of them casually but the others were just someone he took to a dance once or whatever (said he hadn't even kissed these people . . . there would have been no sex because we were very religious).

So the thesis is that he makes women think there's more going on than he says there is, right? Once when we were newlyweds there was a "missed connections" in the local culture magazine because he'd let a short woman stand in front of him at a concert. He was there with a buddy who would not have condoned him flirting; he just thought he was being nice. She thought it was swoon-worthy enough to write this flowery missive.

Then around our 10th wedding anniversary he had an affair. He met someone through friends, and she thought (I'm sure rightly) that he was flirting with her and confessed her feelings for him. At least that made me realize that unease all these years was for a reason. I'm not some crazy, jealous person. I am a rational person who watches my husband charm people without taking ownership of it.

It would be nice if the jealousy shoe were on the other foot some time, I won't lie. But I wouldn't even get to enjoy it because I'm sure he'd just tell himself, oh I deserve it, and not even complain.

Look, opposites attract. He's charming and flirty, and that's good for my reserved, stoic self. But it means we'll never have the same feelings regarding potential mate poachers. The only moment where I saw a twinge of it was when he confessed to the physical affair, and I said, oh FFS, you two can be together, you obviously don't deserve me, and I'm hot stuff and I can easily find someone who does." I mean, thank goodness for my healthy self-esteem because I know most betrayed wives end up falling apart at this point, but I was full of such a prideful rage. He was all in "the fog" and waxing poetic about their feelings for each other and I was like, OK, great, she wins, she can have you. And he took a sharp breath and stopped being so stupid.[/quote]

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