Reply to Why Men Cheat - How Can I Break This Cycle?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]The person who wants change has to be the one to change. If you’re unsatisfied with the amount of sex, you are the one who needs to make changes, particularly if you have the spare time, spare energy, and spare money for an affair.[/quote]

If the couple had more sex at the beginning of their relationship, and now is having less because the wife will not participate, then your point is nonsense.

Look at your words, and really try to understand what you have written. Apply your reasoning to another aspect of married life.

If at the beginning of the marriage the DH shared all of his earnings, but now only shares 5% of them, the relationship has changed.  If that 5% equaled the same amount of money (in inflation-adjusted dollars), the relationship has still changed.

Making a unilateral change and then demanding your spouse change to regain the status quo is what you are suggesting.[/quote]

She can get her 50% in court. No court will order her to have sex with him. Your parallel doesn’t hold up.

Marriage does not entitle you to sex. The only thing that ensures you get sex within marriage is being someone your spouse wants to have sex with.[/quote]

Know what else marriage doesn’t eNtItLe you to? Fidelity.[/quote]

I mean it’s literally in the vows, and infidelity is a crime in several states including Virginia, so I beg to differ.[/quote]

Wow so Nobody in Virginia cheats? Because it’s in the vow and you could go to jail? Who knew. Guess you are entitled to fidelity. So go right on being sexless because he won’t cheat. Because those Vows.[/quote]

NP.  Why are you so belligerent?  The pp stated the law (as he/she understood in VA).  Your reply is non-sequitor and so what's up with that.[/quote]

The idea that a spouse can deny sex while still being "entitled" to fidelity is preposterous. I'm not talking about the occasional "just not feeling it .. so no" I mean consistent rejection resulting in very infrequent marital sex. PP then goes on to state that vows and archaic VA laws makes this OK / expected. Um, just no. A spouse is totally free to not want sex, they should expect their partner will be going elsewhere for sex. If these terms are unacceptable then sexless people should file for divorce.[/quote]

Just because you keep saying that no sex means cheating is allowed doesn't make it so.  If you don't have sex the way you like or how often you like, divorce her for pete's sake.  Trust and honesty do matter in a marriage.   You'll come up with some reason why divorce is not good for you (maybe couched as not good for kids, not good for spouse but in reality it's not good for you) but really do the minimum and tell her you intend to cheat, and then the issue is with her.  Let her solve it (divorce or open marriage or fix the sex issue).  [/quote]

Go back and read the OP and link. It’s not just me saying than no sex is permission to go elsewhere it is (practically) every man who has found himself in a sexless marriage. If you don’t want sex with your spouse just divorce him for Pete’s sake! Or accept that your celibacy means the marriage is open for him.[/quote]

Why don't YOU divorce HER then, Sexless Marriage Guy?[/quote]

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