Reply to S/O being excluded from birthday parties

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Reply to "S/O being excluded from birthday parties"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Dad Poster #3, so the other little girls were asked not to talk about it at school?  Why was this?  Did you think the other little girl would be hurt?  Did you really expect that the other 7 year olds would not talk about it?  Do you think the other little girl was hurt?  Do you think she felt humiliated because everyone was talking about her and how she didn't get invited?  I certainly don't blame your daughter for saying what she did because she is 7 and not a grown-up litigator used to thinking on her feet.  But, did you feel for this other little girl at all?

You may have guessed that it's my child who is not invited to birthday parties that the other kids talk about on Monday at school.  I can't make the other children like or want to play with my child.  But can you tell me: what should I say to my child when bedtime is full of tears and "why is/are she/they so mean to me all the time?"  Should I expect other parents to try to empathize with my child and try to get their child to at least be nice?  A friend of mine once said that some other parents won't care and I should just start teaching my child that the world is not always so nice.  I just hoped I wouldn't have to do it so early.[/quote]

Please don't project your difficulties with your own child onto me. I'm sorry you think this is about you, but it isn't.

I think it is plenty evident that yes, I was concerned about the other girl's feelings. I brought it up several times with dd, before and after the fact. But, she wasn't having it. She didn't exclude out of nastiness or spite. She didn't do it to be mean. She just decided there were five other friends she preferred to have at her own party and also didn't think this other girl would be a good fit. I told her I disagreed with her, but she had her own valid reasons. It wasn't malicious. She's normally a very empathetic child, and this was something of an anomaly so I didn't push it. It's not like she's 4 years old anymore.

I'm a little shocked that you all think I should have forced my daughter to reciprocate an invitation. I think if you thought a little harder about it you'd realize you wouldn't do this either had you been in the same situation. You might SAY you would, but if your 7 yo insists that she doesn't want to add an individual to an intimate party, you wouldn't force her to.

The notion that she should have snubbed the party to which she was invited is also a bit odd. Again, she wasn't acting out of malice. She wasn't "taking advantage" of the hospitality. I'm sorry that you think that invitations all come with strings attached, but they don't.

Half of you have come right out and accused dd of being deliberately hurtful. Accused ME of being deliberately hurtful. We weren't. You've all been far nastier than I stand accused of being anyway.

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