Reply to Controlling mother + DH ongoing conflicts

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]He's already told you you might not get his present (sperm) if you are not good enough

Where was this mentioned?[/quote]

From OP's first post:

"My DH has made it clear that he doesn't want kids with me until this issue is resolved, which I understand."[/quote]

People say all sorts of things when they are angry.  Doesn’t mean that he means it. [/quote]

This sounds like a reply from DH himself.

DH should not be saying it period, and being angry does not justify saying it.  What if, every time DH was angry he went in the kitchen and smashed a glass?  Would that be ok?  There are a variety of unacceptable ways to express one's internal anger.  Emotional abuse and attempting to humiliate one's marriage partner is not an acceptable, healthy way to express anger.

DH needs to understand how very angry he is, and that he does not have justification to be cruel to his wife and he does not get an exemption for his behavior when he is cruel to her 'because he was angry'.

Re-reading the DH posts in the other threads; he makes a big point that the two of them are different ages and that he is younger.  Re-reading the DW's original post, she writes that they both are 30s.

There's something about their ages that is part of this as well.  Cultural or religious pressure to have married earlier, embarrassment that the wife is 'older' ??  There's A LOT of disappointment being communicated by the DH about his choice of wife and his situation of being connected to her, and now being connected to her family too.  He clearly feels emotionally disappointed.  He is not appreciative of her and is embarrassed by her in some ways.

DW clearly feels that she needs to make this marriage work to please her parents vision of who she is supposed to be to them, which is sad because she's trying to make a marriage work with a person who does not like or value her very much.  Clearly DW's parents and DH withhold approval and appreciation of her as an independent human from them.

https://www.joinonelove.org/signs-healthy-relationship/  [/quote]

This is really smart. Please read this PP's post. Its pretty obvious that the DH just doesn't like the DW and the DW is staying to appease her parents. Her parents' response to his jerkiness also suggests they view him as deserving respect than themselves/their daughter. That's troubling, and I would guess there are cultural issues here (being Asian American myself). [/quote]

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