Reply to Child Joining Family through Adoption is NOT an Adopted Child

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Reply to "Child Joining Family through Adoption is NOT an Adopted Child"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I certainly hope elementary school level teachers are encouraging students who were born via sperm / egg / embryo donor to include them in  their family tree lesson. After all, kids who are adopted (Like mine) are being told to do so.   According to this board donor parents are letting  their kids know their origins, though I suspect not nearly at the rate adopted kids are told their origins.  I am still inclined to think donor kids are not being told as early as adopted kids are.    Step it up, donor parents! Include those donors in your family tree! [/quote]

+1. Parent of kid who joined family through adoption. My child has many friends who were adopted. Sometimes it is obvious so no way to hid it. But I do not know any (zippo) none who have ever mentioned that they had a different biological parent through some other means like artificial insemination, surrogacy, etc. I also feel that there is a different standard (stigma?) for adopted kids.[/quote]

I agree. A  kid would have to have the maturity to understand quite a bit about biology, general reproduction science and parenthood before this discussion, and it is quite different than explaining adoption. So, as a teacher I wouldn’t presume to ask or encourage  "donor" discussions. However, adoption is pretty common and is discussed. [/quote]

You probably are the teacher who thinks its entertaining when kids ask other kids who their real parents are.  You aren't getting it.  Kids don't generally want to be different especially when young.[/quote]

Calm down, dear.  No one is bringing up adoption, discussing it in curriculum,  etc.  What I see is an open understanding that a kid is adopted,  especially when they are clearly adopted...because they  might be   entirely different race, color,  or have a different appearance,  etc., which is very, very common now. Yes,  if they are kids, some kids will ask that question,  and it's just a question.  It's not bullying. When a kid who is 6 or 9 or 15, this is a fair question. Kids don't have boundaries.

When might a teacher address it? When the kid himself (or herself) brings it up, which is also common now.  Many adoptive parents incorporate their child's birth culture in their family's lives...with the use of names,  celebrations, etc. So kids who have that experience will talk about it. LITERALLY NO STIGMA.  None. A teacher really isn't going to get into a kid's business without the child bringing it up. As for kids saying stuff...why can't you just address these things with your kid so he can have tools. Good grief, you probably need some serious guidance on this topic and it really would have been nice had you done that  years ago. Your kid is fine. You, however, have been on here for days with freak out level  anger and accusations.

Kids aren't out to get your kid, and teachers are frankly far more concerned with much larger issues than adoption in this day and age...such as gender identity and sexuality,  family structure, transience, food insecurity, homelessness, suicide ideation, disability equity and diversity, racial diversity issues, socioeconomic diversity  issues,  violence ideation, sexual abuse, mental illness,  and, of  course exposure to unhealthy social media internet content and engagement.   Adoption? Nope.... way down on the list, unless of course the adoption issues intersect with any or all of the above. Not only do I have decades of experience in teaching, but I've taught kids of all ages and grades, including special education,  in many different disciplines in private and public schools- and I mentor teachers in graduate programs. Take it from me, or not (!)- adoption concerns  as an issue in school are just not your kid's problem.

And, as an adopted child when these other issues weren't a priority and adoption was unusual and some times stigmatized, particularly when it was obvious and couldn't be a secret ( which it was kept at the time)  it was all survivable. I survived despite weird questions from people (I answered them and thought a lot about things, became observant , etc., as a little kid.  I developed curiosity, and yes, some sarcasm ...) and your kid will as well. Good luck.  Hey, watch the movie I told you about.  You will know the scene when it comes up. [/quote]

Adoptive parents can profit from counseling in order to know how to deal with questions and situations.  Many times it is possible that they perceive or overestimate more problems than  there already are. Counselors can  help with role play scripts and / or get to the bottom of the concerns. [/quote]

Or, therapists can’t make the situation worse.  Kids are still teased and bullied.  [/quote]

? What?

Did you mean can or can't? Not sure.

No, a therapist doesn't stop bullying- pretty sure that's not the goal, right?  The therapist helps kids deal with teasing or bullying. Requesting that teasing stop is like requesting the end of snow.  Kids and teasing will never stop- it's actually a part of everyone's experience.  Would a person go to a doctor to end all disease or to treat disease?

However, in this case, it really appears that  parents could use some assistance, which was suggested as a response to a parent's repeated comments on this thread.

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