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Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Reply to "Ramifications of marrying outside of your social class"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]No major ramifications for us, but I did expose my husband to thing that he would never had experienced if he had married someone in his neighborhood/town. - reading for pleasure, or even really reading after HS. His parents were busy working all the time, multiple shifts, and they didn't grow up with books in the house. He was fascinated with my reading habits, but now after 20 years of marriage he is a casual reader. He understands getting lost in a story. - theatre: plays and musicals. He would go with me, but think both the costs of going were exorbitant. Our daughter is a musical fanatic, so he keeps up with songs and will take her to shows - buying our first home was tough. We qualified for a much larger purchase price, but he couldn't get over spending a "half million" on a home. He would never say 500 thousand. He always translated it to a million. - food prices. There are a few places he will just concede are better tasting, but he will mention the insanity of paying $20 for a hamburger, when you can get one off of the dollar menu. This has gotten a little better as time has gone on, though if his parents are visiting we just do not let them see menu prices if we go out. He will order and we bring it home, or just have it brought to the table. - He's having a huge amount of sticker shock at college tuition. It's a lot, but we can afford to pay for our kid's tuition, so I'm insisting on doing so. - He grew up being charged by his parents for anything outside of shelter/food (from about 14-18). At 18 they had to pay rent to live at home. I really had to put my foot down that we aren't charging our teen and college aged kids for things. We can afford to let them live with us "rent free" while they are actively working and on college breaks. It's not like we are giving them new cars, and fancy electronics, or taking them on shopping trips. [/quote] I could have written this post about my husband! Right down to the note about musicals/theater. Interestingly, my husband grew up way wealthier than me but his parents both grew up quite poor. Neither of them went to college and they worked their tails off to run a small (very successful) family business. They spent their money on vehicles and the latest model of TV, rented the same beach house every summer, and invested in the stock market. But they really stuck to their LMC values in terms of spending money on experiences. They never traveled, never went to the theater, didn't read for pleasure, rarely ate out, etc. My parents were solidly UMC with two working parents with graduate level degrees. We drove the same car for 15 years at a time, were the last people to get cable and internet, etc. But my parents took us to the theater and we traveled to Europe and all over the US. They took us out to eat so we could try various cuisines. They entertained friends regularly and we grew up expected to make polite conversation with our parents friends. The biggest difference that we had to get on the same page about was paying for our kids to go to college. To me, it was a huge financial priority, as my parents paid for my college and graduate school and I entered adulthood with no student loans. My husband's parents didn't go to college, and he paid his way. He just paid off his student loans last year. He thinks that paying your own way makes you scrappier. I think our society is set up in a way that its a big disadvantage. Interestingly, my parents who have far less saved for retirement are the ones who contributed to our kids' college funds. My in-laws will not contribute on principal. But they would consider buying my child the latest and greatest video gaming system....strange to me![/quote]
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