Reply to Tell me about adoption

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is one of the worst places to seek advice on adoption as the threads always attract people who are anti-adoption. As an adoptee and adoptive parent, I just want to say that:

- not all birth parents want to maintain contact long term. Our social worker told us that often birth parents will request some meetings/communication then fade away within a few years; this was our experience after my child turned two.

-  Adoption agencies have information meetings that will answer your questions, and the screening/training process for agencies like adoptions together will thoroughly prepare you to be an adoptive parent

- personally our infant adoption process was relatively short; we matched with a prospective birth mother about three months after we completed all the training and screening, and our daughter was placed with us 45 days after her birth

- if you adopt from states with longer time periods for birth parents to change their mind about placing the child for adoption (like MD's 30 day period), you may have a failed placement if the birth parents change their mind after you match.  Those longer time periods are absolutely in the best interest of the birth parents, and are fair, but practically speaking that means that the infants are not truly 'available' until that time period ends.

- many people choose adoption after infertility and the training/screening will help you work through that loss of your hope to have a biological child.

- Literally every adoptive parent I know is absolutely thrilled with their decision to bring their child(ren) into their family.

- not every adoptee feels a need to track down biological relatives. I have a wonderful family and see no need to expand it based on genetics.  Many people do feel a need for that tie but it is not as inevitable as the press makes it sound. [/quote]

Please not that the team “failed adoption” refers to a situation in which a family is preserved.  This is a GOOD thing, though understandably heartbreaking and disappointing for the prospective adopters.  But choosing a state with draconian revocation periods means that you have to live with the possibility that you have stolen a child from a mother who deeply, desperately wants that child, and who may have been scared or coerced into relinquishment but then changed her mind a day or two after the birth.  Imagine the maelstrom of emotions and hormones and fears and exhilaration and fear right after birth, especially for a very young mother.  To take her infant from her and then refuse to give it back if she changes her mind the next day or the next week is IMO the epitome of evil.  And that is the true rot at the core of the infant adoption industry, because this (mostly) for profit system requires a supply of women who are convinced that giving up their babies is the greatest way to love them, or the only way to afford medical care and housing during pregnancy.  [/quote]

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