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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]^^And that's not because the social workers or doctors hate you, OP, or want to make your life miserable, or don't care about you, or her. It's because they CAN'T change it, anymore than you can.

Not without a declaration of incompetence and placement.

I suspect they know that she is not at that point yet, even if you might think she is. I suspect that disconnect is at the root of your anger, but they can't fix it.[/quote]

And as I said, the new hospice is non-profit and thus can take donations. They do so much more and I intend to donate as well from her home proceeds. Why some of you don’t understand there are good and bad hospices and social workers is beyond me, but this is DCUM and there you are! TBH, I find the people in the DC area to be insufferable and plan to leave[/quote]

This really is very hard. I've been through this three times. Yes, there are good and bad staff everywhere. It is not, however, the fault of a social worker that your aunt doesn't qualify for Medicaid. If her assets are over the line, even by a smidgen, then it is too much. Rather than railing against the person, ask them how you can divest the asset in order for her to qualify. And the reality is, if your aunt really is so close to her final days, there is no way she would qualify for Medicaid on such a short turnaround. In the state where I handled this with my parents, I think the state has up to 45 days to make a determination on an application. I can't remember how long it takes after that for there to be an expenditure of funds.

And non profits are often more flexible. They can't and don't violate Medicaid rules, but sometimes have other resources to help a family. I had family members in three different settings. While the staff at the for profit nursing home where my dad lived were all incredibly nice, the overall services at the nonprofit where my mother was for her last years were much, much better. And my older sibling passed away in an county-run adult residential home for individuals with developmental disabilities where they also had hospice in place services. It is very, very hard to get a bed in a physical hospice.

GL to you, OP.[/quote]

Not blaming the social worker about Medicaid. It is what it is. I don’t know where you got that idea? Medicaid has look back rules. My aunt will be gone in a few days, nurse said. A younger retired friend who’s done this before has come to help as paid aide. Godsend. The real issue here is my aunt is so stubborn, she’s refused all places in these very last days,  insisting on staying home, not really understanding the burden she’s placed on me and the dangerous situation she’s placed herself in. [/quote]

[i]The other social worker was only interested in taking everything they could financially because she was not eligible for Medicaid - she just missed the cutoff due to a small pension on top of SS.[/i] Perhaps blame is a stretch but the staff's hands may be tied on what they can do, especially if this hospice is connected to a corporation. Who chose this hospice for your aunt? So hard to get hospice beds, but my experience has been that the non-profit ones are often better simply because care, not return to shareholders, is what guides their mission.[/quote]

This. OP, even people in supportive professions deserve to get paid. I understand she did not ask in the most kind and professional manner, but I can assure if your lawyer/doctor/local store is concerned about whether they will be paid for their services, they will ask many questions.

Also, you say your aunt was stubborn. This is on her. She made choices when of sound mind. Nobody can save you from the choices you make while still able. That's great that you helped out. Yes, it's horribly painful to watch people make poor choices and even worse when you see them suffering horribly. We deal with this as daughters/sons with aging parents and as we raise teenagers and young adults. It is not OK to blame everyone around them for not rescuing them from their choices. We do what we can and we try to get supports in place and we figure out our boundaries. You are scapegoating. The blame lies with your aunt who made her choices and did not want to think about what the consequences could be as she declined. [/quote]

Anyone who has read this thread and not been clear about their desired arc of life in the later years, balanced by what is tenable (financial and otherwise), should start getting granular as well as compassionate about their wishes. And anyone who has parents or other older people in their lives may want to educate themselves about how government programs work for seniors, especially the key differences between Medicare and Medicaid. Lots of folks here may not need or have parents who will need Medicaid, but many will and being educated in advance is critical in being able to make good decisions. [/quote]

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