Reply to What is with DCUM women and "mental loads?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I understand that this is a real thing based on a societal expectation carried over from a time when most women didn’t work outside the home. What I don’t understand is why women like those on DCUM allow this to persist. You recognize it’s happening and yet you keep doing it? Why?[/quote]

Because our children suffer the chaos if we just drop the rope. Or we have to prod and remind our husbands for each small contribution they grudgingly make, which means we're still carrying the mental load.[/quote]

DP and a wife and mother of 3. I have a different take, there are three types of dudes out there

1) Sucky dudes who will never be an equal partner
2) Loving dudes who do want to be a good partner but don't know how/never had an example
3) Unicorn dudes raised by radical feminists who are great

I think there are a lot of 1s, and to those men's wives I say divorce those losers. But I also think there are a lot more 2s than we think. And I think women have a really hard time letting men fail and learn by failure and by accepting a perhaps imperfect but reasonable outcome when someone other then themselves (the guy) does something. I have listened to girlfriends go postal over battles I wouldn't even consider fighting. People who reload dishwashers that don't need to be reloaded or refold laundry that is clean but not folded to their standards.

It is difficult because the advice that the wives of 1s need is REALLY different than the advice of wives that 2s need and they get really conflated.

Some guys are garbage, but many are not, and women need to figure out how to be ok with facilitating the learning of the 2s instead of writing them off as 1s (if they are not genuinely 1s)[/quote]

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