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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Do you really know for sure that B isn’t invited? Are these girls so sophisticated as to give her a pretend invite and/or talk about plans around her at school and expect her to show up and then shun her? I have taught my kids since they were tiny that they don’t discuss plans that don’t include everyone (in their class/friend group or similar depending on their age) in public and especially at school. Surprised that B is in on these plans if she isn’t actually invited.

As someone who was bullied in MS and now as the parent of a middle school girl, I would probably ask my kid to make her own plans with B and others and avoid the group of mean girls entirely.

Also, how many kids are we talking about? [/quote]

OP here - They aren’t doing all that. The girls aren’t talking about it with B, but I believe B and B’s mom just think no one has started talking about plans yet, not that things are already set up without her. It’s a group of about 10 girls. DD is just part of the invited group. It isn’t nice to not include people but I don’t know that I will ask her not to spend Halloween with her friends for this. Also, she’s not that close to girl B, so it would be weird for her to ask her to do something with just her. They are just in the same circle of friends. If I weren’t friends with B’s mom, I would not be aware of this issue at all, and it likely wouldn’t be on my radar that B isn’t included. [/quote]

I am the mom of the girl who wasn't invited, not literally but almost this exact thing happened to DD. I would have really appreciated the heads up. It was really humiliating for DD and in the end we don't know what happened. DD still hangs out with the same group. I suspect the host's mom is a b--- and dislikes me or DD for some reason and she dislikes us enough to do this type of thing. DD is the only minority girl in the group. Everyone else is white.[/quote]

That is awful. So Sorry for your DD. That sucks.

The race piece in social exclusion is so complicated in our experience. My DD of color has been pointedly excluded from Halloween party and joint costume theme by friend group who are girls of color (African American, LatinX and biracial) and also proudly on the GTLBQ spectrum. They have been a collective self-righteous, judgmental, unpleasant nightmare and bond over disliking whomever the duplicitous ringleader smilingly instructs them to blackball -/ all while acting as if their identity politics affords them carte blanches to be unkind and feel morally superior at same time. That goes with the age I guess. Thankfully, DD is resilient and happy to not be invited as she knows she would not enjoy spending time with them and considers them followers rather than doers. She is making new more positive friends now (mostly girls of color and not as obsessed by gender bender labels).

I hope your DD makes new friends who appreciate her.  [/quote]

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