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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I feel for you. This is coming from a DIL with an unhealthy MIL. I feel like she’s getting better with age, like a fine wine. I didn’t expect to get to this point when we were married before kids.

MIL went through a nasty divorce, one of those things where she drove him to an emotional affair and neither are blameless. BIL was too little to understand but DH witnessed enough to come away with bad feelings toward both parents. As soon as DH moved away for college, he limited contact with MIL (he was no contact with FIL). When we got engaged I pushed him to be closer and he was for a while. Then when she started pushing me away, I stopped pushing him toward her, and she blamed me for limited contact 2.0.

We’ve had our ups and downs through the years, but I realize how that her parents were enmeshed in her life until they died, so what she did seemed normal. I also realize how lonely she was. But over 25 years, we’ve connected in our way, made amends, and I’m definitely closer to her than her son. If she’s been less invasive and more inclusive early on, maybe we could’ve gotten there sooner.

My point of all that above is that, while it’s different from your situation, it’s also similar. Maybe you should start developing a relationship with DIL. I assume that they don’t have kids because you didn’t mention any, and you must know you’ll need DIL as an ally rather than an opposing team member (at best).

Also, you must’ve raised a lovely person if you’re so interested in spending time with him. He must have been capable of choosing a good partner. I bet she’s a good friend too. [/quote]

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