Reply to Friends being cagey about plans. How would you react?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It's weird that some adult women are assuming that not inviting someone to an event is a significant gesture rather than something that happens because not everyone gets invited to everything every time.

You don't talk about it in front of people who aren't invited because there's no reason to rub their noses in it and because conversation is supposed to be about topics that everyone in the conversation is interested in.

That said, it's not s state secret. You don't have to swear everyone to secrecy because if an adult finds out that other adults did something without her, a mature adult just think, "Oh, I hope they had fun" and goes on with her life.

OP, if you can't manage that, you now know why they don't consider you a close friend and never will. [/quote]

It's not weird. Often people have different ideas about how friendships work. And friendship isn't some official status with clear rules and boundaries. Everyone has to negotiate it themselves, every time. You can't just assume someone will approach it the same way you would. And if you do, you can bet that feelings will be hurt.

I think OP's experience is very common. I would not be upset about this specific thing because I don't engage in friend groups like OP is describing (particularly not with couples, I find that very pressure-filled and complicated because of all the dynamics at play). But I can totally relate to feeling slightly blindsided when I learn that a friend thinks about our relationship in a different way than I did. On more than one occasion I've thought a friendship was one thing and it turned out they thought it was something else. Or I've just had different expectations than my friend as to level of commitment, loyalty, etc. And yes, feelings got hurt. Sometimes mine, sometimes theirs, sometimes both.

This is so, so common. If you are really this unfamiliar with these sorts of situations, I would suggest that you probably have a much narrower definition of friendship than most other people.[/quote]

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