Reply to What’s the end game plan for a cheating husband?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Sometimes it's an exit affair and he wants out of the marriage. Google it, it's a thing. [/quote]

Not as typical for men, but very common for married women in affairs.  65% unhappily married women in affairs looking for it as an exit, compared to only 20% of men, and only 2% actually marry the AP.

[/quote]

+1.

I haven't read all 10 pages of this thread, but seriously how is this even a question. Most men have a strong desire to have sex.

Sometimes they just want to be with variety of women.
Sometimes they want to be with a woman who is hotter/younger than their wife
Sometimes they want to feel wanted/desired
Sometimes they have a sex addiction
Sometimes they are looking for different/wilder/kinkier sex than they have at home
Sometimes they enjoy the thrill of getting one over their wife
Sometimes they are approached or see an opportunity and they think that they won't get caught so it will be OK

Most of the time, they are cheating to get it in because they can, not some grand scheme to eventually divorce and marry the AP. 
[/quote]

You forgot: Sometimes they hate women and enjoy the thrill of duping a woman into thinking he cares so that she will relent and have sex with him with the belief they have a sincere relationship, aka rape by fraud.  [/quote]

First, this is not rape by fraud. Sheesh. Don't water down the trauma of rape.

Second, this is not at all a common reason for men to have affairs. Maybe this happened to you, but then I wonder why you married a sociopath.[/quote]

She's the OW that thought the guy was going to leave for her, not the wife.  She is conflating having consensual sex with him and believing his lies as rape, instead of what it really was: her stupidity for getting involved with a married man in the first place.[/quote]

Incorrect.  It is an acknowledgment of how men in a number of these DCUM cheating threads describe how dumb their APs are — people they have ongoing affairs with, not just hook ups — to believe that there’s something more. The men take advantage of that dumbness to get what they want and are laughing at and disparaging the OW behind her back and here on DCUM.  That nuance of enjoying duping the AP certainly seems to be an additional reason for why men — at least on DCUM it seems — like to cheat. 
[/quote]

I saw the emails my now exDH was sending to the AP.  It was actually sad - he told her lies about my relationship with him (like that we weren’t sleeping together when we were multiple times a week, like I had trapped him into the relationship when it was he who proposed to me and we had explicitly discussed having each child).  Those lies were designed to make her feel like it was OK he was cheating on me.  He was also telling me lies - like that we were having monogamous sex.  In both cases, the AP and I consented to sex on the basis of certain ideas he misrepresented. For me, that makes the sex non-consensual.  Consent must be informed and freely given in order to be consent;otherwise, it’s nit consent it’s just successful manipulation.

We have to get away from this idea that it is OK for men to use any means to get sex - we have moved away from rape by stranger, date rape and marital rape, but as a culture we have not evolved away from rape by fraud.  Many states have no laws against stealthing, which is a form of rape by fraud.  [/quote]

That's not a realistic definition of consent for sex. What if the wife had been secretly gambling away the life savings? You could say that a man wouldn't have wanted to have sex with the wife if he'd known because he would have gotten a divorce. Is that non-consensual sex? Of course not.

it's ok to be mad at the lies and manipulation, but calling it rape is nonsense.[/quote]

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