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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous] Instead, the argument is don’t stereotype and drag down a disabled group of people. The qualities listed above are not part of the dsm description of asd persons (though it might describe a particular asd person) and neurotypical people can also share these faults. So shout your story from the rooftops. But if you loop in the whole asd population with it, than you are doing something wrong. [/quote]

PPs aren't saying the whole ASD population (please reread the thoughtfully written post below), just an increased incidence of abusive behavior associated with it. Neurodivergence on its own isn't problematic, but paired with a neurotypical spouse, it easily is. This is especially true when comorbidities like ADHD, anxiety/depression and personality disorders are involved, and they commonly are.
 
"Some of the traits that go along with autism (and ADHD, which is highly co-morbid) do make it more likely for an individual to become abusive, and there is a subset (maybe a very small one) of autistic people for whom this plays out. It's tough for us living with a partner like this, and leaving would be much more complicated than leaving a "traditional" abusive situation. I find posts like this helpful and somewhat therapeutic. I get good advice, feel that the other posters understand me to a T, and feel less alone. We all paint the exact same picture, and there is a lot of research out there to back it up (and I have done my research, not to blame my DH, but to learn more about my special needs child). Please don't deny my (or other's) reality. I am not denying yours, just saying mine is different than yours."

Bear with me in this-- for my DH of 20 years recently diagnosed, I have much greater empathy for his struggles all these years and strengths. I also have the clarity to know his actions are unbearably controlling and abusive, they will not measurably change and I need to exit for the safety of myself and our children. To negate that ASD and abuse cycles don't correlate on even some level, is deeply damaging. [/quote]

yes, but since that is, on some level, true of every disorder, disability and mental health issue that I can think of (including asd) it’s just not that compelling of a point. [/quote]

I’m sorry, that was rude. I am sorry to hear about your situation. 20 year marriage is a long time. It just seems cruel that the same love to describe people with these struggles is also used to describe so many people who have the same underlying neurological condition and are so kind and gentle. [/quote]

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