Reply to I don't want to be under pressure when my DH isn't

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP you should’ve married my DH. All he cares about is work and making more money. We have barely spent time with him for nearly 10 years because of it.

Check your priorities. [/quote]

Yeah I was shocked when she said that they take one vacation a year, if any. Sounds like OP is so focused on her kids future when they are 18+ that's she's missing out on a lot of bonding and important stuff when they are young [/quote]

I would get the side eye big time at work if i tired to take 3 (a few) vacations a year. I would love to, believe me. 
DH enjoys his copious free time off though.

Because I miss my kids I spend every minute of every weekend with them. I realize I sound pretty frank in this thread but I am a very maternal mother and have a great relationship with my kids. They are my universe and the reason I do everything I do. I want a divorce but haven't done it yet because I don't want to mess them up.

Look, if i got a lower stress job or just stopped caring so much about getting promoted, sure, we would be ok. But I would sorely miss the feeling of making progress towards financial goals. I am a "long time horizon" person, that's just me. I was the kid who didn't eat the marshmallow. I worry about the future, and with good reason in my family many times!!! I always anticipate things that could go wrong and avoid them. I don't want to be foot loose and fancy free a few paychecks away from disaster, no thank you! [/quote]

Sure but there is a big difference between how you sounded all throughout your post and now. Now especially it sounds like therapy could help you. It's not going to solve everything, but it certainly seems beneficial [/quote]
+1 sounds more reasonable than the earlier posts, which showed what seems to be an unwarranted contempt for the DH. From what OP has described, [b]he too  is fixated on never being a few paychecks away from disaster, which is why he worked hard to be able to land the steady government job.  It is always a benefit to have one spouse in a stable job, especially one that comes with lifetime guaranteed healthcare and a pension. It seems to me that OP is severely undervaluing those things. [/b]

Like many of us, I know several double-Fed spouses living happy UMC lives. It’s not enough income to pay for K-12 private for multiple children, but it’s plenty to live well in a nice neighborhood, take multiple vacations per year, afford kids’ college, and have a very comfortable retirement. I believe OP said she’s in her 30s, so may not have an appreciation for how much government salaries, TSP savings, and future pension amounts grow over time. It also seems that if OP is capable enough to be a high earner at this stage of life, she should have the ability to find another high-paying but less stressful job.  It’s probably hard to focus on all the many opportunities available to her and to them as a family with work stress and toxic, misplaced resentment driving so many of her thoughts. [/quote]

I'm the fed in our marriage.  My steady paycheck and stable job allow my spouse to take some career risks that he couldn't otherwise take.  And we are able to save money for college and retirement, take some vacations, etc.  I like my job and I find my agency's mission to be important and inspiring, but I also value that stability, and deliberately chose my career based, in part, on that.  Maybe we can't swing private school tuition, but we're definitely not a couple paychecks away from disaster.  [/quote]

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