Reply to I don't want to be under pressure when my DH isn't

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think some of us are a little confused that you did not know at least some of this before you got married:
- Did you know that he was more of a settler rather than being ambitious before you were married? 
- Did you talk about how you wanted to provide for your children both while they were young and older?
- Did you/your husband know that you wanted a more traditional marriage where the husband would be the breadwinner?

It does sound like you have differing ideas about family lifestyle and the husband/wife dynamic which are pretty major. You could try counseling or you could simply move on, but make sure you discuss these matters in your next relationship. [/quote]

I actually did not know he was a settler as you put it. I noticed and liked that he was very hard working, but later I learned that it came from fear. He worked very hard to get a very safe job. I didn’t realize the psychology behind that at first. I’m a striver as I was so kindly called here and he is not. [b]Being a striver can be fun and rewarding if you share it with someone in spirit. I sincerely didn’t realize we did not share that value because again I did see work ethic in him. [/b]

I didn’t feel I needed a provider fully. I don’t even want to be a SAHM. I just want to share the “striving” burden and each have moderate stress jobs.

[/quote]

It would never have occurred to me to characterize "striver" as a core value.

Off the top of my head, here are my DH's and my core values (which some might call "character traits" we value):

[list]commitment
compassion
concern for others
dependability
friendliness
good humor
honesty
honor
integrity
kindness
loyalty
perseverance
positivity
reliability
respect
[/list]

How would "striver" fit into core values?  <-- That is a genuine question.
[/quote]

Are you serious? Being ambitous is a core life value. If someone is not ambitious and one person is, there can be lasting resentment and it won't work. [/quote]

You can be ambitious to do meaningful work well, but not be focus on MAKIN IT RAIN...[/quote]

OP didn't say "ambitious" - she said "striver."

She also said her DH is hard-working and has stable employment.  He had enough ambition to get to that point - she just wants MORE MORE MORE.  I.e., "striver."[/quote]

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