Reply to Seeing OPP (other people’s parenting) up close

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]your sister seems completely insane but you seem strange too. on one hand you go way overboard in accommodating her (I have good relationships with my siblings and I would do maybe 20% of what you did for your sister) but at the same time, you seem very judgmental, noticing everything, too happy to trash her here for 10+ pages, constantly adding ever more preposterous elements (now you paid their plane tickets.. ok?). it just doesn't compute somehow. either your are not being honest or there is this very unhealthy gap between what you think about your sister and what you are doing for her. it's would be like somebody saying, oh, my friend is the worst person ever, and i willed her my whole inheritance. most people do stuff for people they like, at least a little.[/quote]

Op here. I think there is a disconnect in how I feel about her and how I treat her, yes, you’re totally right. The trip brought a lot of things to a head for me. My sister did some really hurtful things to me several years back, things that she has not acknowledged or apologized for. We were estranged for years and I was very sad about that and I missed her. Getting her back into my life took a lot of effort and is what I thought I wanted. So I think that was part of my effort-I was trying to win her over and also show her that I’m a good, functional, successful person.

Obviously the whole visit showed me that while my sister has her issues, my way of engaging with her is not healthy either. I’m taking a huge step back. There’s no need for us to be estranged again or to have a big drama about it, but I don’t view it as a genuine relationship and I can’t be myself around her. I’ll see her again if I happen to be in her city or if there’s some big milestone reason, and I’ll send birthday gifts to her kids and text now and then. But that’s about as much as I’m up for at this point. I’ll definitely never spend a week with her ever again or have her in my house.[/quote]

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