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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Start by being more sympathetic with your daughter. Out of her half and step siblings, mom, dad, step non, and step dad looks like she is the only one who suffers financially.[/quote]

OP here. I am sympathetic and have told her that many times. But I don’t know what else I can do for her. She’s 17. I’m feeling like a failure as a parent given how she’s been acting ever since we had the official college talk. She told one of her step sisters that she only got into a prestigious liberal arts college because she’s a legacy, full pay, her father made donations to get her into a fancy private high school, etc. I felt sick when I heard about that. She’s going to ruin her relationship with them if she keeps going on this way. She should be mature enough to understand that she has no entitlement to her step fathers money.[/quote]

I think you are repeating words your wealthy husband told you to avoid supporting your child.

You married a man a few years ago - so what - when your daughter was 14?  [b]14 is young enough to expect a blended family to be an actual family.  The deal you made with your husband sucks and Your daughter is paying the price.  [/b]If you wanted to live separate financial lives, you should  have not gotten married.  Your daughter likely would find it easier to get aid.  [b]You should  be mature enough to understand you made a choice that really sucks for her.[/b]  You married a man that has no desire to be her father.  [/quote]

NP -- These three comments above very insightful. She is not fully part of either family unit -- OP's with a step-dad and kids her age who are essentially living a different lifestyle,  or her Dad's, in which her half siblings also seem to be living a somewhat different lifestyles.  Two families, which are rich in comparison to her and her prospects, each one with one of her parents, and she's doesnt fully belong to either.

And it isnt just "happenstance."  OP made decisions (whom she married and whatever agreements they made about how they would handle money) that benefit herself yet penalize her DD's ability to pay for college (she could have qualified for aid if the OP wasnt married to a well-off DH).

So the daughter is lashing out at the unfairness of it all (and that her mother wont even ask her husband for a small contribution).  And OP is worried about her daughter "permanently" damaging her relationship with her step-sisters and about being embarrassed in front of her new rich family.  (as yes, the daughter has undoubtedly picked-up on that as well).  The part that probably hurts her the most is that the OP wont even try doesnt have to be full tuition, but a even a contribution would feel like someone cared.

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