Reply to Advice Needed: parents who both work long hours

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m so irritated that everyone keeps blaming op for her job. She has reasonable hours and good salary for Law. She doesn’t need to mommy track anymore than she already has.

The problem is that her husband is working crazy hours. He needs to take more of a break in the evenings and help out more. OP is not the problem. And they need tips for how to outsource more. That’s really what Op was asking. She does not need to mommy track more.[/quote]

no, it is her job because she’s the one complaining. her husband, correctly, thinks that since they earn 750k HHI he doesn’t need to come home for dinner. Someone else will handle it. That person can be OP or it can be a housekeeper or au pair. Very, very few people earning 500k are going to drop everything to do dishes and bedtime from 6-9 every night. Her choice. Leaving aside her DH, I think any job that makes you regularly work several hours after your young kids’ bedtime is unsustainable. [/quote]

I worked 24/5 for someone with very high HHI.  There is no way that they were home for bedtime 4 nights per week, let alone dinner; the reality is that several times I was notified during the day that they would not be home that night at all, because they needed to fly somewhere.  Add in that they left the house before the kids got up...

We prioritized individual facetime the parent and the kids everyday, as long as each child wanted to talk.  We talked about how the parent got their job, why they did it, and what changes would happen in both the family and the outward world if the parent didn't have that job.  And the parent prioritized being home every Friday night early enough to take the kids out to dinner, then spending the vast majority of the weekend focused on the kids together or individually.

In another family, I was 24/7.  The parent was away for 2 months, and there was no other option.  They prioritized daily check-ins with me along with daily talks with each of the children.

The hard fact is that we (society) have jobs that take parents away from their children, sometimes for long stretches of time.  Most parents won't choose that, but those who do make sure that someone else cares for their children when they aren't available.  We don't get upset when a single parent deploys and the children live with relatives for a few months.  Why is everyone jumping to rake OP over the coals?  We have jobs that require long hours, and it's ridiculous to assume that only people without children and empty nesters will take them.[/quote]

because a single parent who deploys has no other options and is a public servant, and presumably will be back in the states eventually to parent normally. whereas OP is proposing to do it indefinitely for $$$. [/quote]

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