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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I identify with so many of these posts. When I found out, I was scared for my physical health because of potential STIs. I felt isolated because I wasn’t sure what the next step was, and I didn’t want anyone to know in case we stayed together, so I had no emotional support. My best friend said (in reference to someone else) “Why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you?” and it made me feel shame that I wasn’t kicking his ass to the curb within 24 hours of finding out, as I imagined a strong woman would.

I was fearful because I’d been out of the workforce for a long time and was afraid of losing my health insurance if we divorced and no one would hire me. I felt completely inadequate in every way. I also had trouble eating and lost weight — and I love food and am generally much more prone to overeating than under eating. I was so preoccupied that my attention span became so short, I couldn’t finish a book or a movie. I couldn’t sleep. I had wild mood swings. One night, my husband’s phone pinged, indicating a new text message, at 2 am and I burst into tears, thinking it was his AP. (It was only an automated message asking about a prescription refill.)

For a brief time, I thought maybe we could stay together, so I tried to be very sexually available for him. I don’t feel “raped,” but my stomach churns when I think about giving him oral during that time or how enthusiastic I acted about his lovemaking. It’s humiliating. I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to give another man oral, should I ever have another romantic relationship. The idea of it brings back too much shame and pain.

I made sure not to reveal his infidelity to my children, but when they reached their teens, one simply told me she’d figured it out, and later, the other asked me point blank if he had cheated. I said, “Why would you ask that?” in my best impression of an incredulous voice, and she responded, “Because it’s the only logical conclusion.” She pointed out that there was no abuse, no addiction, we never fought, we didn’t have money problems, and he seems to enjoy living like a bachelor while I’m still taking care of them every day. In the end, I got no benefit out of “protecting” my kids because they view him as a cheater anyway.[/quote]

Did you divorce ? How long did it take you to regain economic independence ? [/quote]
We are not divorced yet, but he moved out. We will divorce someday, but I’m better off financially being married to him, so I’m not initiating it and he’s doing nothing out of inertia. I am not working now because of the pandemic (I have an underlying health condition that makes me high risk and one of our kids has severe ADHD and would flunk every class without constant supervision). I need to figure out how to reenter the workforce after such a long absence. It’s very scary. [/quote]

For how long you were out of workforce? We are in the same boat, except that my husband can't wait to land his d.ck in his whore, and threatens a divorce. We also have an ADHD son, and I am unable to find work. I don't know what I am going to do when he files. For now he just moved to a different part of the house. 
I think a lot of infidelity and abuse comes from difference in economic position and power levels. I've made a terrible mistake leaving the workforce to take care of our son. [/quote]

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