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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][b]I think y’all are being needlessly tough on OP/her daughter.[/b]

The amount of energy it takes to be a top high school student at a top school (especially in an intense area like DCUM-land!) is immense. One’s entire identity is wrapped up in being a good student and striving for the best. The sum of a full school day, extracurriculars, homework, basic self care, etc. is more intense — and involves more competing priorities — than most other busy periods in ones life.

OP’s daughter probably realized she worked to the point of deteriorating her QOL. She has a right to be frustrated with the situation even if the outcome is objectively fantastic. [/quote]

I disagree vehemently with this line of thinking.  One of my kids was a top student, a true intellectual, had excellent test scores, and was heavily involved in extracurriculars.  Still, she knew how college admissions worked and didn't talk of "dream" schools.  Her college list was, I'll bet, a lot like the OP's:  Brown, Wesleyan, Carleton, Grinnell, and William & Mary.  Brown was a reach, obviously, and she didn't even blink when she didn't get in.  She thought Wesleyan to be a match, it looked that way on paper, and it was her first choice -- but Wesleyan rejected her too, while accepting her best friend.  Carleton, on the other hand, accepted my daughter and rejected the best friend, confirming that at this level it really is a crapshoot.  In the end, my daughter ended up at Grinnell and absolutely loved it, and she certainly didn't mope and regret all of her hard work in high school.  Unlike OP and her daughter, she realized how lucky and privileged she is, and she reacted like a grown up.   [/quote]
I'd also guess that people like this want their own kids to have "resilience" and "grit," or lament that other people's kids don't have these magical qualities.  And then when their kids experience some "hardship" (which this isn't even), they want to figure out how to console them, make them feel better, etc.

In reality, OP's daughter hasn't experienced a real hardship.  She can feel bad that she didn't get into her top choice, but that's it.  OP should not be enabling or playing along with her pity party.  If this is how her daughter reacts now, she's in for a world of hurt when something objectively bad happens.  Now is a good chance to practice dealing with "failure" in an incredibly low-stakes way.  [/quote]

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