Reply to Does SAHM make a difference during infant years?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Nothing has ever made me feel more confident in my decision to say home with my child for the first few years than the absolute viciousness of moms on this website towards SAHMs. A lot of angry, resentful, insecure people on here attacking anyone who actually wanted to or enjoyed staying home with their kids for any length of time. If going straight back to work after leave and sending your child to daycare or leaving them with a nanny were so great, why would people be so mean about people who did something different?

There are downsides to being a SAHM, I've experienced them. But I've never regretted that choice, either for me or my kid. I think we both got value out of it. But there are so many posters on here who are angrily trying to prove that it's a "bad" choice and you have to ask yourself why.[/quote]

You are full of BS.

First of all, if you look across these stupid mommy war threads, it is really a small minority of people who say super mean things about SAHMs.  On this thread, most are not saying anything negative about staying at home, rather they are saying that things will be fine either way.  
The viciousness, if there is some, comes from the SAHMs who have the audacity to insinuate that if you work instead of staying home with your infant, that your infant will somehow be less than they could have been.  That the working mom is a worse parent.  That is a horrible thing to say!!! And based on nothing more than their own inclinations, not science.  It's all over this thread and others, over and over.  Sometimes blatant, sometimes implied, but it's there.

If working moms lash out on this site to SAHMs, it comes from defensiveness. I actually do not agree with many of the things some WOH moms say to lash back at SAHMs in a demeaning way, but I totally get the defensiveness.  What mom wouldn't lash back at someone saying that their kid is going to be HARMED by their mom working?  What parent wouldn't lash back at someone saying, you are a bad parent because you work.  That your infant won't bond with you in the same way if you work.  The audacity of that.  And that is exactly what SAHMs like you are saying.  And it's absolute BS AND it's sexist, because go looking for the admonishment of dads for working...you won't find it.

And you say that the defensiveness of other moms when you tell them your life decision is better than theirs and your kids will be better off than theirs...this is what convince you that being a SAHM is the right decision?  Do you make other decisions this way?  Whatever pisses off other people the most, that's the way you go?  Are you serious?

The truth is that many working moms would love to stay home with their kids for one, two, or three years.  Why?  Because they want to be with their kids.  It's about THEM, the mom's feelings, not necessarily because their kids will be harmed without them.  But many can't.  So maybe they resent you being able to stay home with yours.  Perhaps, perhaps not.  Many working moms have no qualms.  But for those who do, we all have things in life we want and cant' have and we all would feel some resentment if people in our lives who do have those things are smug and braggy about it.  But then to add insult to injury, you insinuate they are hurting their child.  How dare you?  And then you wonder why they get defensive?

I have absolutely no care in the world if you choose to stay at home.  Actually, if it is what you want, that is lovely.  If a mom wants to be with her baby, that is great, and, frankly, you are fortunately if you have the choice.  But does it make you a better parent?  No, not automatically.  Does it mean your kids will be better than someone else kid on whatever metric you want to throw out there?  No, it doesn't.

I think a lot of working moms feel they cannot admit that they wanted to stay home with their kids and couldn't, because the harpy SAHMs will use that as a way to say, see, you should have stayed  home, you are a bad parent.  Working moms feel like unless they are all in on working, it will be used against them.  But many of us have many reasons why we work and make the choices we do and our kids are absolutely fine, successful, loving human beings.

[/quote]

I've been both SAHM and WOHM and if a SAHM talks about how SAHMs are bashed on DCUM, I assume that SAHM is one of the ones posting nasty things about WOHMs. The nastiness goes both ways and anyone who can't be honest about that is part of the problem.[/quote]

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