Reply to Does SAHM make a difference during infant years?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It's funny that everyone talks about the importance of SAHM during the baby years but, really, when you think about it, it makes sense that it would be more impactful on the elementary-teen years. That's when they're turning into real people who  make choices that will impact the rest of their lives.

Of course, there's the issue of what to do during the day while they are at school but if you are lucky and thoughtful about how you set up your career, you'll have an option to work part time or just during school hours.[/quote]

People say this mostly because of studies done in Russian orphanages after WWII as well as studies on adopted children and the age of adoption.  (Kids do better the younger they are adopted).  When taken to the extreme, we know for sure that the kind of care people get as infants matters for the rest of their lives.  Kids who grew up on overcrowded orphanages did not turn in to Annie.  Many of them died young even though their physical needs were met, and those that survived grew up unable to really love or feel empathy for other people.

The question is, how much does that matter when you don’t take it to the extreme?  If it’s just one infant and one caregiver, but the caregiver isn’t interacting with the baby, does that matter?  What if you fire her because she isn’t interacting with the baby, then six months later you move and get a new nanny, and you end up going through a string of nannies.  Does that matter?  Or what if you send your child to a daycare center with a high turnover rate for caregivers and a lot of switching between rooms to keep ratios.  Does that matter?

Or, what if you have the ideal situation with a lovely nanny who stays with you for years, forms a strong attachment to to child, and is the first person they go to with their little worries and hurts and “come look at me’s,” and then the child starts school, and this person disappears from his life.  How much does that matter?  Is it like a parent dying?  Is it more like moving from kindergarten to first grade and not seeing your teacher again?  If you see them once a month for dinner, does that make it easier or harder?  [/quote]

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