Reply to Has anyone stayed with a spouse after they had an affair?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.  They no longer work together but I'm just wondering if anyone truly gets over the feelings of intense betrayal and disappointment in a way that a real marriage is actually possible going forward. [/quote]

I stayed-- it sounds like your DH is doing the right thing to provide passwords, be transparent about his schedule, and go to counseling. That said, it took me literally years to get past the bad feelings. The reason is that once marriage is marriage-- couples fight, act petty, sometimes take each other for granted-- but for a very long time, every time a normal disagreement or issue would come up, so would that resentment over the affair. It's why counseling is absolutely necessary to move forward.  Now, a decade later, I never (or at least rarely) think about it-- we've been through other things-- job loss, illness, moving cities, 2020, etc. We have a lot of other experiences, good and bad, that happened afterward, so I'm able to look at our marriage in its entirety (holistically) and realize that staying (for me at least) was a good choice.

All of that said, if you have reasons to believe that your DH might do this again or simply can't be trusted, you should strongly consider leaving. I made it clear to my DH that I couldn't and wouldn't go through it twice. [/quote]

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