Reply to Sexless-ness is an acceptable negative outcome from marriage

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I went through a period where I was no longer interested in sex - resentment toward DH, everyday stresses, and hormones. But I slowly came out of that. Unfortunately DH was having an affair. In the end we divorced and my sex life with boyfriend is great. [/quote]

You could be my wife.

She had resentment towards me, some of it fair, some not.  Cut me off, I had an affair was caught, we split.  We both have partners we are better suited with, I am sure her sex life is great as is mine.

Our kids lost in this if we were both honest about it [/quote]

I get that it’s both parties who are at fault but why cheat?  Keep your integrity and divorce.  Cheating affects your kids as well.

What new skills have you learned so that you don’t end up where you are against.[/quote]

She cut him off sex so of COURSE he getting it elsewhere. This isn’t really cheating because their marriage wasn’t a sexual relationship so he no longer owed her fidelity. It wasn’t his cheating that affected their kids: it was her hypocritical decision to divorce ONLY upon discovering he is still a normal man having an active sex life. So blame her for their divorce.

Maybe the lesson you think he should learn is to officially declare the marriage open?[/quote]

Or work on the underlying issues on their marriage??! Obviously his ex wife wanted to have sex but not with him at that time given whatever issues they had. Why not work on the marriage and see if you can fix things? That’s what I asked my ex husband after I found about his affair. He was extremely regretful but it was too much to take at that point. Our family and kids and our extended families suffered greatly bc of our divorce. Nothing will ever be the same again. I’ve moved on and am in a relationship now but I do feel sad for my kids and our families. It was a huge trauma that we still struggle with. I personally struggle a lot with his affair. It’s better of course that we are divorced but it changed me irreparably. [/quote]

Obviously his ex wife did NOT want to have sex, because A) she wasn't having sex   B) she wasn't working on their "issues"

Yes, divorce does affect the kids! That is exactly what makes sex outside the marriage so important to AVOID divorce.

If you aren't having sex with spouse, an affair is the one thing saving your marriage from divorce.
If affairs bother you, either resolve the marital issues/resume sex, or get divorced.[/quote]

Based on his post it sounds like she found someone else after divorce. As I said she didn’t want to have sex with him at the time, not forever. I don’t know about his case but in my case I tried to work on our relationship issues but DH wasn’t interested. He wanted to be the same way he was and the resentment I had built up. I shut down for awhile but then started working hard on myself. We had a few years where things were getting really good but the. I found out about the affair.

If you think affairs save you from divorce, you’re wrong. We had found one another again but the affair burned it all down. Rather than work on himself and us, he lied to me. Our marriage would’ve survived and been great bc we worked out many many of our issues but ultimately I could not get over his affair. [/quote]

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