Reply to Long term affair... trying to wrap my head around if it’s even possible to get over your DH’s 3 yr

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Long term affair... trying to wrap my head around if it’s even possible to get over your DH’s 3 yr "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]EGO is such a bad thing ... it makes us stay and go for the wrong reason.

I would never be that girl... EGO
I will stay and keep it a secret so nobody knows... EGO

If these are your reasons for staying or going they are based in EGO and it is a bad reason to stay or go. 
[/quote]

The EGO sometimes is related directly to your core values.

For instance, saying you would never stay with a cheater is not ego, but because you value monogamy/marriage vows/honesty and anyone that breaks that is not somebody you could ever imagine yourself being with.

Now say 20-years later spouse cheats, it's not really EGO but your values and life view that have been rocked.  It takes a lot to get over that.  You feel like you are betraying yourself and everything you believed in in life to forgive and stay with a cheater.  It's really hard to fathom.  But, yes, I get that it can be for the wrong reason people leave and often out of anger.  This is why individual therapy is needed and time, time to really look at the big picture and how you see your future---future for you, your kids, etc.  It really comes down to what the cheater does though.  What type of effort and are they sincere?  Are they committed?  Are they truly up for digging deep and changing what led to the behavior.  Alcohol and sex are often used by men to treat underlying/untreated depression, more often than therapy or anti-depressants.  It's a fix, but it ends up making their lives worse overall and they end up hating themselves down the road.[/quote]

This, and my protecting my health and the health of my children is not "ego", it's "safety". [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics