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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I was your daughter OP.  I was 12.

My mom was a lot like you.  Because of it, I hated my dad for years.  I don't think my mom ever came out and said "dad cheated on me with S and that's why we are divorced" but she still made it know.

When I was in college, it occured to me that my mom was pissed at my dad and using me as revenge.  And she got her revenge.  But she also ruined my relationship with my dad for me.  I hated her for it.  I hated how selfish she was.  I hated that she cared more about revenge than letting me have my dad.  I hated that she couldn't put my happiness first.  That destroyed my relationship with her for a while too.

I now have a relationship with both my parents (I'm mid 30s) but it took a lot of therapy.  When I think back I'm still angry with my mom.  I can't get those years back.

So my advice OP is to put your daughter first.  Don't make her a pawn in your anger and want for revenge.  Let her have a normal relationship with her dad.  And please, get therapy.  
[/quote]

Why doesn't it make you angry your dad is scum and screwed over your family?[/quote]

Where did I say I didn't have anger then or now?  Anger doesn't mean you stop loving someone, or cut them off or call them names.  My dad was wrong,  he knows that, we have had that conversation, but he's also my dad  and I love him, and he loves me.[/quote]

But you expected your mother to be a saint. Your dad, you excuse.[/quote]

I'm not the pp you initially replied to, my mistake, but since I answered your first question, I'll reply. In my situation, I didn't expect my mom to be a saint. I'm grateful that she was. I'm grateful that she didn't act selfishly like my dad, and triple the pain I was already in from my family being blown apart. Therapy helped me to recognize that I could be angry with my dad for what he did, but still love him,  grieve what was lost and move forward. [/quote]

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