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Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Reply to "SAHMS getting a job after divorce"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]That you can post this list with a straight face is mind boggling. DH and i both work full time and both contribute sizably to $800k HHI (i think he's at $450k and me $350k). preparing meals- 3-5 hours/wk -- WE SPLIT. AND THIS ISN'T 'MEAL PREP'. THIS IS JUST MAKING DINNER AND CLEAN UP DURING THE WEEK TIME. school volunteering - 2-3 hours/wk -- ALMOST NONE. WITH RARE EXCEPTION, I HAVE NEVER SEEN AN IMPORTANT SCHOOL VOLUNTEER JOB THAT ISN'T MAKE WORK FOR THE SAHMS. other volunteering - 2-3 hours/wk -- NONE. grocery shopping - 1-2 hours/wk - WE SPLIT general cleaning the house - 3-5 hours/wk - HOUSECLEANER SPENDS 6 HOURS EVERY SECOND WEEK shuttling kids around to doctor/dentist/orthodontist or going to school play etc - 2-3 hours/wk - THIS NUMBER IS SUPER INFLATED. I HANDLE IT FOR MY MODERATELY SPECIAL NEEDS CHILD. DURING SCHOOL HOURS, IT'S 2-3 HOURS A MONTH. general errands (new clothes, running to target, post office, etc) - 1-2 hours/wk - THIS IS CALLED INTERNET SURFING. IF YOU THINK YOU DESERVE ALIMONY FOR THIS, YOU ARE NUTS. laundry - 2-3 hours/wk - 30 MINUTES A WEEK SPREAD OUT OVER 2 MINUTE INCREMENTS. yard work (mowing, planting flowers, shoveling snow, etc) - 2-3 hours/wk - YEAH RIGHT YOU DO THIS. general paperwork, managing finances - 1-2 hours/wk - 30 MINUTES A MONTH. DH HANDLES. organizing/decorating house (moving out seasonal clothing, getting rid of junk, painting, etc) - 2-4 hours/wk YOU ARE A LOON. So the "during the school day" stuff is the 6 hours every two weeks for housecleaner, 2-3 hours a month for my special needs kid, 30 minutes of laundry a week, 30 minutes of paperwork. i'm not including meals because that's dumb. That's a total of 16 hours of work every month. so you think you deserve lifetime alimony by adding 16 hours a month of ease to your working spouse's life? exercise - 3-5 hours/wk [/quote] NP here. You are way underestimating the amount of time it takes to do things. 30 minutes a week for laundry? GTFO. The PP may be overestimating in parts. But I can say that my DW went back to working very part-time (usually about 10-15 hours a week), and that really takes away time from doing household stuff. Also, pre-covid, my DW was home to be with the kids after school, able to take them to school in the mornings (walking), and just generally more available. All of that is super important to us -- maybe not to you -- but it takes a lot of time and attention.[/quote] You married badly, sir. Your wife tells you these things take time. She tells you she can't handle them while also working 15 hours a week. I'm telling you (as are all full time working moms) that we handle all these things plus our jobs. And nice throw out comment re: walking kids to school being important to your family but not to us. Cuz guess what? I walk my son to and from the bus stop every day! My office hours are reduced [b](i make up the last couple hours in the evening or weekends[/b] and am just generally really efficient). And i have a SN kid! and i make $350k a year! So now i'm not underestimating the amount of time it takes to do these things because i literally do them myself. Do you? Or are you just taking your wife's word for how long it takes it her to do these grueling tasks? [/quote] You literally just wrote in the post above this one that your husband does 1/4 of these tasks, your housekeeper does 1/4, and of the other half, most of it just doesn’t get done at all. So no, you don’t “literally” do it all. You don’t do most of it, and what you do decide to do, you push off onto other people. You also wrote that you are working days, evenings, and weekends with specific hours cut out for your family. So no, you aren’t “generally available.” Are there WOHMs who are really trying to do it all and be available to both their work and their families? Of course. I see them every day. They are amazing and wonderful, and they realize that caring for a home and family takes effort. Your efforts to put down wives and mothers of all forms are not appreciated. [/quote]
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