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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Just saw this thread. Found out last year I have a half-sister thanks to her doing DNA testing—she reached out to him; he had done it years prior. It’s been an insane and unpleasant journey since then. Thankfully this was before he was married to my mom. She could not be more different from my family, and has a very large family with a number of issues. Too much to write here but I finally had to limit contact with her, and because she doesn’t understand boundaries it did not go well. [/quote]

Ooof! So sorry that it was not a good turn of events.  I think I mentioned much earlier, I am definitely blessed to be able to have a wonderful relationship with my 4 brothers and their families.  I can't tell you how many blogs that I read where the writer was yelled at, hung up on, threatened physically and/or legally and often told not to call back.  There were many that I read where the relationships just didn't do well.

I think it is quite important that even while performing a search for one's family, the search must be kept in perspective.  Romanticizing the  discovery of parent/siblings/etc is basically setting yourself up for a big disappointment.  The birth family may not feel the same way as the searcher does.  I would imagine that if my relationship with my birth father were discovered while he was alive, the reception by him could have been different and would put my "new brothers" in a difficult situation.

I know that when I first found my brothers, it was all I could do to keep myself from calling too often!  I am a very sentimental person and wanted to learn everything as quickly as possible about my new family.  The original DNA discovery had rocked my world and I wanted to immerse myself as quickly as possible.  However, I had to keep in mind the fact that the "new brothers" have lives with families and a history that up until the discovery did not include me.  In short......they had lives.  I adore them all immensely and we all love each other.  I have been included as a sibling and kept in the loop with things as they happen.  The fact is, the lack of shared history just makes it impossible to make the sibling relationships similar to one where the siblings have grown up together.  A relationship just has to be forged, as any other new relationship, by creating new memories and learning about each others' histories.  Respect for privacy is often a necessity.  In our case, I created a family group page on Facebook for us to post news, photos, etc so that we could protect my brothers' mother, who was already struggling with Alzheimers and to also just protect my mother's privacy.

My mom has passed as of this year and my brothers' mom's Alzheimers is extremely advanced to where it is no longer a concern.  However, it needs to be my brothers' decision when their side of the family can know. That being said, our family page is still the best option, though we're much more relaxed on posting on each others' pages, etc.

I hope that you and your sister find peace in the facts and that she realizes that this type of situation affects more than the immediate family.  Blessings to all.

OP  [/quote]

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