Reply to Can someone explain the mindset of a cheater?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Given the number of divorces....40%+....plus the number of people who cheat but don’t divorce the better question may be the mindset of the non-cheater. I’m a male, I’ve been married 34 years and I’ve never cheated. Have I been tempted? Of course! I am blessed with a wonderful wife, great kids, good health and money in the bank. We have always had a wonderful sex life so there is no reason for me to cheat. But I have been tempted and have come close to cheating so even with my great life I’ve come close. A less great life and who knows what might have happened. I think the stars have to really be aligned in your favor to not cheat. [/quote]

This is insightful.  I am the mirror image of you, and made the cheating mistake when I was in a low point in my marriage.

The people debating whether sexless marriages are the cause are tripping over themselves.  [b]Of course, sometimes it's a cause, sometimes[/b] it's just boredom with monogamy, and then fill in all the other reasons people have sex in general from love to pure pleasure.[/quote]

It's pretty much the cause, most of the time.  A few harpies in here posting about those rare exceptions where they claim [b]the guy was getting all he wanted at home[/b], but his character flaws made him cheat anyway does not change the fact that cheating is most always about a sexually dead marriage.

Oh, just talk to her.  Tell her what's going on.
 [/quote]

I am one of the women who knows it's not about the sex at home.  I promise to you I have a very pleasant personality.

I won't claim my husband gets "all he wants" at home, much less all he needs.  No one person can fulfill 100% of the need of another person.  I am perfectly willing to have sex but if my husband gets tired of the same body over twenty years and wants something different, is there really anything I can do to fill this need?  If his needs involve sexual variety, is there really anything I can do to become a different person? since the point of variety is that you sleep with someone who isn't your regular partner.  I can't supply novelty if that's what he needs.

I am not even saying that's a character flaw.  I'm just pointing out to you that sexual needs are about more than regular drainage.  If my husband decides he doesn't want to have sex with me because he'd rather have sex with someone else at this particular point, I don't take it personally.  It really isn't about me at all. [/quote]

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