Reply to Can someone explain the mindset of a cheater?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote] I could tell her but I don't for the same reason I go elsewhere for sex. To keep the peace. There isn't anything I can do to change her mind or re-spark her interest in sex. So I go out and quietly get it with someone in the same situation. It's not ideal but it's better than it was before where I was holding in a lot of resentment towards her. As for letting her make an informed decision to stay married? Are you kidding me? She knows everything she needs to know besides that I have an AP. She knows I still have a strong sex drive. She knows that she has decided to permanently end our sex life, something we once enjoyed. And we had a great sex life. She has decided to stay married in this situation and decided that I just need to deal with it, like it or not. I tried for years to let her know how this affects us, and our likely future. But she has zero interest in addressing it. It just isn't a problem to her. She has decided to stay married in this situation. I've decided to stay married to her and not bother her about our lack of sex life anymore. I NEVER mention anymore and she seems happy with how things are. Telling her about my AP and blowing things up is not a good decision FOR ME right now.[/quote]

Fixed that for you.  Your post is one long rationalization from a selfish liar.  Tell her you have an AP and let her decide if she wants to stay married to you.  Your posts make it pretty clear why she is not interested in sex WITH YOU. [/quote]

Yes, it must be me.  I'm sure she still wants to have sex, just not with me, right?  Because I'm such a brute of a man.  You are a riot.  Is that how you feel towards your husband?  Blowing things up right now would not be good for her.  I would be much better off than her if we divorced but, as I said, there are 100 reasons people don't divorce.  I didn't go into any of them or mention anything about the rest of our relationship besides our lack of sex.  Neither of us wants to end our marriage.  This is far from ideal, but it works for now.  Does anyone in a marriage, man or woman, really not understand the likely consequences of deciding to end their sex life with their spouse?  Serious question I've asked here before and it never gets answered.[/quote]

I'm guessing if you two divorced now, she would go out and date. And she would have sex. This wouldn't be the end of her romantic life. So yeah, it's you.

You really don't know for certain that she "doesn't want to end the marriage" - she doesn't have all the information about your marriage so she isn't able to make an informed decision. Somehow I'm betting if you said "You're done with sex, but I'm not - I'm having it whether or not you're there". Willing to bet money her response would be anything but "OK! Let's stay married!"[/quote]  Previous respondents like, DADT open marriage guy were not me.  No, it's you who doesn't know for certain.  You don't speak for me.  I didn't lay out our entire marriage in this thread for it to be dissected. I'm sticking to the subject and you'll just have to take my word for it, or not.

I'm guessing she is done with sex but who knows.  If she felt she needed a man in her life, I'm sure she would put out in order to win him over.  The skills are still there, just not the desire.

I don't have to tell her about my AP and blow up her life for my wife to "have all the information she needs" to make a decision.  She's made a decision for the both of us that this will be a sexless marriage and she damn well sure knows that it not acceptable to me.  I sure as hell wouldn't expect my wife to remain chaste if I did the same to her.  I don't think that too many people are that clueless.[/quote]

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