Reply to Can someone explain the mindset of a cheater?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Given the number of divorces....40%+....plus the number of people who cheat but don’t divorce the better question may be the mindset of the non-cheater. I’m a male, I’ve been married 34 years and I’ve never cheated. Have I been tempted? Of course! I am blessed with a wonderful wife, great kids, good health and money in the bank. We have always had a wonderful sex life so there is no reason for me to cheat. But I have been tempted and have come close to cheating so even with my great life I’ve come close. A less great life and who knows what might have happened. I think the stars have to really be aligned in your favor to not cheat. [/quote]

This is insightful.  I am the mirror image of you, and made the cheating mistake when I was in a low point in my marriage.

The people debating whether sexless marriages are the cause are tripping over themselves.  [b]Of course, sometimes it's a cause, sometimes[/b] it's just boredom with monogamy, and then fill in all the other reasons people have sex in general from love to pure pleasure.[/quote]

It's pretty much the cause, most of the time.  A few harpies in here posting about those rare exceptions where they claim the guy was getting all he wanted at home, but his character flaws made him cheat anyway does not change the fact that cheating is most always about a sexually dead marriage.

Oh, just talk to her.  Tell her what's going on.

Spare me.  Cheating is what happens after all other avenues have been exhausted and the many talks, over years have gone nowhere.  I'll ask one last time and then I promise, never again.  Does any woman or man really truly in their heart or mind think that their normal libido spouse is going to be OK with them ending their sex life?  Do you really think that spouse will just "deal with it?"

When my wife's libido turned off, lack of sex was no problem for her, just for me.  Her only problem was me trying to talk to her about it, asking or suggesting sex, or dealing with my feelings of despair and resentment  when I truly had no idea what to do and felt like she just didn't care how it affected me, or us.  When all that changed in me and I started treating her better and and never again brought up our sex life, tried to flirt, be romantic, or anything she used to fear I was doing just for a chance to have sex with her, she had to know what was going on.  If she didn't, I really don't care.  Choose to be in denial about it all if that works for you while I do what works for me.  I'd still rather have sex with my wife than anyone, and my AP would rather have her sex life back with her husband, so it's far from ideal.  But it's not as bad the years feeling alone while playing house with my wife. [/quote]

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