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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP hear with an update: I asked DH about working on becoming more intimate. [b] His response was to look toward his pants and say "what can I do?"  [/b]When I saw potential FWB on a recent business trip, we talked and kissed (and even fully clothed it was VERY VERY hot) but I couldn't bring myself to do more. I don't want to ruin friendship with potential FWB or hurt DH.  But, as potential FWB left the room, he kissed me and said he wants to pick this up where it left off, next time... It was hot and I can't stop thinking about it.  [/quote]

So, you respond with some kind, loving and clear answers. Tell him you love him and want to work through it together. Tell him that you are still attracted to him and don’t find him to be less of a man, and that intimacy doesn’t have to come down to one act. Find a sex therapist that deals with disabilities and go together.

He is (rightfully) depressed over his lack of function. Face it - most men are penis centric, and they don’t view sex in all the other ways that it can be performed and enjoyed.

You, on the other hand, are being purposefully obtuse and throwing this in his lap to solve. If you want to check out of your marriage, that’s on you solely. There are ways to work with this issue, and to work within your marriage, but you don’t really want that, do you? You want your cake and all the spoils, but you want to be able to justify it somehow so you’re not the checking out cheater that you really want to be. [/quote]

NP.  I've posted on other threads about my situation.  My DH of 30 years has diabetes (not lifestyle related) that has left him with ED for the last 7 years or so.  But, what has allowed us to maintain a strong relationship is that we still engage in [i]intimacy[/i]. You are unfair to men by not acknowledging that they, too, recognize intimacy, desire it and benefit from it. We do a lot of other things than PIV - and don't get me wrong, I really miss PIV but I love my DH and it's him that I want even if it's less than what I used to get.

It sounds like OP's DH isn't willing to try like my DH did/does.  Yet, you are pushing all responsibility onto OP.  That's wrong.  You have no idea how difficult it is to navigate these waters, how difficult it is to express your emotions about it without causing pain to your loved one.  Not resolving this situation in a way acceptable to both partners is likely to be a relationship-buster.  It's not about PIV, it's about the erosion of intimacy, communication and unmet needs.  THOSE are the issues. [/quote]

Has he not tried meds?[/quote]

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