Reply to Why do some women choose to be a sidepiece?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Why do some women choose to be a sidepiece?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]I think you have accepted that men do this and are fine with it and so can see that cheating is not a big deal.  For some of us, it is a big deal and so would find it hard to accept.  I think this difference in mindset is what you are seeing play out on this thread. I don’t think the blame should be yours  because it’s the husband’s fault.

As others have mentioned in this thread, many men cheat  because of the excitement that this type of relationship brings.  That would be hard to replicate in a marriage and so what many men say about not enough/good sex could be a red herring.  Also, your description of those men as having sense of duty and respect for their wives seems in contrast to the way many of us would see it as antithesis to our views about trust and respect.

[b]Would you be ok if your husband ever cheated on you (if you were to get married)?  How would you screen for men who would be prone to this type of behavior?[/b][/quote]

NP here, and man who cheated.  How to screen?

First, I think most men are capable of cheating and there is a lot of truth to the idea that men are in general as faithful as their options.  So if you are married to an attractive, charming man, and one who travels for work from time to time, it's probably (but not certainly) going to happen.  Which doesn't mean a years long affair but perhaps a ONS at a work conference.

To screen otherwise, two things:  One, make sure he is genuine and really believes in monogamy.  For me, I get the appeal of it but I really don't see it as realistic and would openly acknowledge this (and if my wife cheated I would totally understand).  Second, and this is going to provoke a backlash here but it's true:  keep the marital bed warm and be sexually adventerous together.  Give him something to lose and make you his top of mind.  It's cliche but my wife has totally and completely checked out sexually which makes the decision to take the plunge a lot easier to stomach.  Again, there are men who cheat on their wives who have a great sex life but they are less common than men who are truly sexually starved.  I hear from them, men are pretty open with each other about this.

[/quote]

Thanks for answering the question.  Sort of interesting that you mention women should just ask the men their opinion on monogamy.  Although you have indicated that you would answer honestly, I’m wondering if most men would in their younger years.  Nevertheless, it’s a good suggestion.

As to your second point, I think that is often the excuse used to justify cheating.  Honestly, you can say not good enough sex is the reason for cheating but that’s a subjective metric, especially in long term marriage.  I think it’s often an excuse so that you can justify sex with someone new which makes it automatically exciting.  You and your friends use “not good sex” to justify what you all want to do.  If you divorce, you can get really good and new sex all the time.  Just go divorce.

This brings it back to figuring out before marriage which men are more likely to cheat.  As you said, not all men cheat.  Does it have to do with selfishness, thrill seeking....?[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics