Reply to How do resolve - husband I disagree over childcare

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[quote=Anonymous]Wow. I feel like people are being incredibly hostile to OP. as a working mom pregnant with a second, I fully plan to have my toddler in daycare while I am on maternity leave. I also may hire a night nurse for a while if I feel like I need to. OP, I think a conversation with your husband about compromise is necessary. You care for your child(ren), which allows him to continue to work. And as taking care of children is as hard (if not harder) than going to work (I've done both and this is just my opinion), he should take some night wakings. Unless the working parent is a surgeon or other occupation that requires sleep, this should be a division of labor. If he isn't willing to help, he needs to be willing to pay for help. maybe line up some people you can call to help in the case that he does not make good on his promise to help (I know many night nurses that you could book with a week or twos notice).  I can't believe all the women on here suggesting that they took care of their children all by themselves so you should too- we are all DIFFERENT. You are not required to do anything simply because someone else did.

As someone that suffered from PPA, I do think that underlying anxiety might be fueling your desire to have constant help. It might be helpful to speak to someone about this, maybe with your husband. He may need to understand that his lack of involvement is making you feel isolated and that you need to be "covered" because he isn't there to take the load when things get hard. I understand this. But I don't think the fact that some women have it harder than you means you need to struggle. Pay for help if you want to. 24/7 does seem like a lot, but how many celebrities etc. have like 3 nannies? I don't think this necessarily means the parents aren't involved, but simply that someone else is also there. You may also feel more connected to the baby when he comes than you realize.

All this to say, there does seem to be some underlying issues with anxiety and a partner that appears to be unhelpful, but that does not mean that you should be expected to take care of two kids all by yourself. One of the best moms I know has daycare and a live in au pair. Its just nice for her to have someone around when its dinnertime/bedtime weekend time so she can spend time one on one with both kids and have an extra pair of hands. No shame in that. [/quote]

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