Reply to How do resolve - husband I disagree over childcare

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think you are just used to a rich lifestyle of having someone else do all the work at home and your husband is getting annoyed. He does work himself all day and so the idea that you can't look after the kids and need to outsource childcare despite being at home is frustrating.

99% of parents at home with their kids don't have nannies or night nurses to provide the child care while they come and go as they please.

I think this is a difference in values more than anything. You say your husband works 10-12 hours a day and that work is the financial income you live off of but you don't seem to really want to contribute anything back to the household. You want a carefree life of leisure while others are paid to do all the work. I doubt you cook or clean or do much around the house either - likely that is all outsourced as well.

Are you much younger than your DH? Did you see marrying him and his money as a golden ticket to a life of no work?

Since you don't want to look after the kids, you should get a job and use that money to pay the childcare costs. [/quote]

Please explain why you think someone who's legitimately rich should live as if they're poor.[/quote]

Not everyone, including Ops DH thinks that being rich means you outsourced your SAHM role. It isn't only the poors who raise their own kids. Your idea that rich means you outsource everything isn't the case. OPs DH hasn't outsourced his work - he still has to go and work hard and make this money they have to be rich. It isn't an inheritance and trust fund where he also just plays all day with no responsibilities. I get that OP didn't want this baby and therefore is resentful that she might have to provide some childcare but that is where OP and DH are not on the same page. He sees her as also being a contributing member of the household and having responsibilities despite the money he earns while working all the time. Op sees her role was just to birth the children and then step away and hire people to do the rest. There are many rich people who still work and have responsibilities and raise their own kids and contribute either financially or through work at home - your view that only the poors do this is strange. [/quote]

First, OP's DH has presumably outsourced his cleaning, laundry, cooking and every other thing that isn't work.

Second, OP doesn't say she wants to outsource EVERYTHING.  She cares for her toddler now and she said nothing about nannies or daycare so let's assume she's doing 100% of the childcare for the older child.  She wants to spend time with her toddler and she wants to have a good night's sleep once in a while.  She says she has cleaners but she didn't say she has cooks or laundresses or drivers or personal errand-runners.  At this income level, having help is completely normal.   Newborns are needy even if healthy.  I never had a toddler AND a newborn at home but if I did, you bet I'd have help.  Actually what I would do is have the toddler in 100% daycare before the newborn arrives. [/quote]

Yeah, and I’ll point out that every WOHM I’ve ever known has kept their older kid in daycare when they had 3 months maternity leave, and no one ever questions that (nor should they). But when a SAHM wants help with multiple young children suddenly she’s called lazy...[/quote]

No one is against having some help. Is it that she wants 24/7 help that her DH and posters are saying is unnecessary. A nanny can look after an infant and a toddler. They do it all the time. [/quote]

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